‘First off, I can talk about everything and anything with you. And don’t ever believe anything different. On the other point, yes, you’re right. I don’t make any big decisions without thinking about it. That’s probably not going to change. Which is why I’ve done nothing but think about this since you walked off three weeks ago.’
I watched his face. ‘Truth is, I’ve been thinking about it, on and off, since the day I first met you.’
39
‘I don’t understand.’
Charlie tucked a knee up and concentrated on playing with my fingers, lifting one to study the tiny painting the nail artist had done on them when I’d gone out for a girls’ day with Gina.
‘I had a massive crush on you before we even got to lunch that first day.’
‘You did not!’
He laughed and nodded. ‘I did indeed. Which sort of took me by surprise a bit because I’m not exactly prone to things like that.’
‘Because crushes aren’t black and white.’
‘Exactly. I think the final straw was when you reached up and rubbed in the sun cream on my face. It was all I could do not to scoop you up and kiss the living daylights out of you.’
‘I… I didn’t have a clue.’
Charlie laughed again. ‘Yes, I got the impression that I hadn’t entirely blown my cover when you told me to feel free to accept the waiter’s advances, if I felt so inclined.’
I shrugged, smiling. ‘I didn’t want to stand in the way.’
‘That’s because you’re kind, and lovely, and you.’
‘But you never…’
Charlie went back to studying my hands. ‘I convinced myself that it was just a crush. Because you put me at my ease faster than anyone I’ve ever met. Because I felt I could be myself so easily with you. That wasn’t something I’d ever experienced with a woman before. You were just so different from anyone I’ve ever been out with. Anyone I’ve ever met, in fact. I thought it was the uniqueness of you that I was falling for – not actually you. If that makes sense. At least that’s what I thought. And, to be honest, you never gave me any hint that any advance would be welcome and I didn’t want to lose you as a friend. So, I took what I could get and convinced myself that it was a crush that I would get over. I did a pretty good job of it too. Until Alex asked you out.’
‘You weren’t happy about it? Why didn’t you say something?’
‘I saw the way you two were with each other. Both easy-going, open, and I could see that you liked him. I suppose I sort of knew it would happen anyway once he saw you and found out you were single.’
‘He wouldn’t have asked me out if he’d known… about you.’
‘I told him we were just friends. Which we were. And he believed me because, like I said, I’d done a fairly good job of convincing myself.’
‘You know I never… we never… you know…’
Charlie nodded. ‘I do. I wondered about that.’
I pulled a face.
‘Not like that. It’s just not like Alex to wait very long.’
‘We didn’t really get a lot of time together with one thing and another.’
‘Normally, Alex makes time. Believe me.’
‘Well, maybe he wasn’t as keen on me as he thought he was.’
‘Nope. Not that.’
‘How do you know?’
‘I asked him.’
