He blew out a big breath. “I’m sorry everyone in your life abandoned you. The closest people to you never fought for you, did they? And I’m sorry it took me four days and three tubs of ice cream to figure that out. I won't be another cog in the machine of disappointment.”
I didn’t know what to say. He was spot on. Even my Aunt Gracie, through no fault of her own, had left me.
“Let’s go inside and talk,” he said and took my hand.
His blunt nails dug into my skin as if he were afraid of losing me again. When we were in my apartment, he kissed my cheek, my chin, and my eyelids. All I could do was hang onto him, terrified he’d go away, that I’d push him away. He set the bouquet of flowers on my rotting table and kicked his shoes off.
“I’m guessing no one has ever gotten you flowers before, either,” he teased lightly. “I’ll cross that one off the list.”
It was such a simple and sweet gesture and I hated myself all over again for leaving him when he’d needed me the most.
“It’s okay, baby boy,” he whispered, holding me tight. “It’s okay.”
I shook my head, but I wasn’t sure what I was denying.
“It is okay because I’m not letting you go again,” he said, his voice quaking. “Not without a fight and I’m prepared to step in the ring for you.”
“I’m sorry,” I managed. “I’m so messed up.”
“I’m pretty good at cleaning up messes. I’ll help you with yours.”
“But it won’t be fun,” I countered, realizing I was looking for a reason for him to leave. “And I’ll try to sabotage us again, I know I will. But…you can’t let me.”
“Like I said. I’m not going down without a fight. You belong to me.”
His sudden ownership over me touched something I thought was long dead. I nuzzled against him, burying my nose in the crook of his neck where I could smell his aftershave and expensive soaps. His hands roamed my body, fingers digging into my scalp, his palm caressing my back.
“Look at me,” he murmured.
It was hard, but I did. He was so beautiful, even red-eyed and runny-nosed. He kissed me sweetly and dried my tears.
“I’m in love with you. I know it hasn’t been very long, but you make it very hard not to be.”
I tried to bite back my smile.
“Not many people told you that they love you, have they?”
“No… I… No, not really. I—I love you too.”
We sat down on my bed, and I held onto him. He kissed the top of my tangled hair. “It’s okay. Just breathe.”
“Sometimes I’m not sure I know what love is,” I admitted.
“Do you want to be with me?” He asked hoarsely and I supposed he was afraid of the answer.
“Yes. I really do. I’m just…scared.”
“Loving someone is scary, isn’t it?” We cuddled for a long time, my tears drying. Finally, he said, “I’m going to show you what it’s like to love someone. I promise to bring you flowers every week. I’ll show you wonders, and we will do simple, silly things like playing Skee-Ball and driving in circles because it’s fun. I want to give you the world, baby boy.”
“I don’t deserve you,” I sobbed into his chest.
His fingers were rough as he made me look at him. “Yes, you do. It’s not your fault you didn’t get the love you deserved when you were young. I’m going to remedy that.”
I lost myself in him. He was more than a handsome face and skilled lover, but a kind man with a beautiful soul that deserved to be loved too.
“And I want you to tell me things when you’re ready. I promise I’ll keep your secrets like they’re precious. You don’t have to be afraid of me judging you. I’ll always listen.”
“I want to tell you stuff but I don’t know how. It’s hard for me to find the words. You’ll…have to help me.”
