“That’s all?” I was almost smiling even though I wanted him to say more, because he could never sit still, even when we were trying to do something neither of us would call cuddling.
“I’m aware how lame this sounds, but it’s about perspective, right? Seeing obstacles as opportunities.” Sounded like something that went on an inspirational poster. “If you only see obstacles, then they become even more… obstacle-y.” Couldn’t see it, but I imagined the face he’d make as he couldn’t find the right word.
“I guess,” I said after a moment. “Just not sure being captain is worth it anymore.”
There was silence. I almost thought that was the end of it. That would be okay. Even if I didn’t figure anything out. I knew I had to move forward and I just wanted to stay still. Not bother. I liked this, relaxing with my boyfriend on my bed and doing nothing.
I still liked baseball. But I didn’t know what would make the hassle worth it again.
“Me being proud of you isn’t worth it?” Ryan asked, almost slyly.
People sucked, but I should be a giant lady. No, I should be like him. Shine brighter than any of it. And Ryan being proud of me?
“Oh, that’s.” I could sense him smiling like a lunatic. “That’s devious.”
His face came into view and Ryan smiled sweetly. “I like winning arguments.”
Do the right thing, people kept telling me. Don’t let other people hold you back. I just kinda stopped caring for a moment. Maybe there was no more smooth sailing and that sucked… but it wasn’t all bad. I might not have as many friends or people I could trust. Then again, I probably couldn’t ever have trusted the people that were weirded out by me now, I only thought I could.
Not that it mattered. Not that those people mattered.
Being Luke Chambers might not be as easy as before. And that guy still got a ton of stuff wrong while trying to do the right thing. However, he had to be doing something correctly. Luke Chambers got Ryan Miller to fall in love with him, and anyone who didn’t think that was great could go screw things. Painful things. Because being in love with Ryan Miller? That was the best thing ever.
* * *
Ryan
When it comes to my dad, he does his best. He’s there for me, we talk when we need to. Emotions aren’t always his strong suit, but he puts in the effort. That’s what counts. If something is off or wrong, yeah, we have to talk about it. We’re a team. However, when things are going right, there’s no need to push him out of his comfort zone.
“Do the parenting books recommend another check in here?” I asked him when it looked like he was waiting for me in the kitchen. “The thing about advice from others is that they don’t factor in you having the most perfect, amazing son on the planet—"
“Pretty sure most parents think their kid is perfect and amazing,” he retorted mildly.
“Except in my case it’s true.” I tried to look all angelic and majestic, like a… I don’t know. Like a deer.
Oops. I put my hands near my head, miming having antlers.
“Not gonna argue with you on the perfect part—” Wise, he wouldn’t win. “But I agree on the amazing part.” Even when I’m pretending that I have antlers. Aww!
“Never stop the flattery,” I advised him. “Even in cases where it’s not necessary. I already decided to go easy on you.”
He’d been pacing around nervously by the sink, but I sat down and gestured for him to do the same. Guess me having alone time with Joanne made him nervous because he wasn’t there to see how it went. We hadn’t had a big talk about it, one with capital letters. An Important Discourse on Feelings.
After going to the lake, there had been a lot commotion. Mostly from me. I tried to explain that I shot a gun but only succeeded in making gun noises and then Joanne showed them a picture she took on her phone and then Luke and my dad added to the commotion. We hadn’t talked more about how I felt about Joanne yet.
“Thanks for checking in,” I told Dad. “But we can keep this brief. I like Joanne. She’s great. Things are going well. Let’s not rock the boat.” Boats! “Oh, speaking of that. Maybe we could go to that lake again and I could even try fishing.” I wouldn’t even bring dynamite.
“About that—"
“No, no fishing spoilers.” I held up a hand to keep him at bay. “Pretending there’s some excitement there is the only way I’ll be able to give it a try.”
“No, about things going well.” He gave me a strained smile.
“They’re not?” I asked even though I didn’t want to know. No, I did. I just didn’t want there to be something to know about. I wanted it to be going well.
Dad took a deep breath. Uh oh. Maybe he wasn’t nervous because of the reasons I thought before. Maybe there was bad news.
“Joanne’s family is back on the West Coast,” he said, which duh, I did occasionally pay attention. “She moved out here because her husband wanted to. It was his dream, not hers.”
