“Yes, me and your father. He’s lost weight since the summer. Looks good.”
“Mom, have you been drinking anything stronger than coffee?” She sounded suspiciously nonnegative about my dad.
“I’m not blind, Ethan. Your father has always been an attractive man. I had sex with him for a decade and a half, and it wasn’t because of duty.” She sighed. “If only his personality matched his looks.”
I fought down the urge to gag. “I’m hanging up now.”
“See you in a bit, dear.”
And Mom was gone. I turned to Grey, smiling guiltily. “So…”
“Your parents are here to take you home.” Grey returned my smile, though his was tinged with sadness.
“Yeah.” I rubbed the back of my head. “I guess I’ll see you next year?” Suddenly, the end of Christmas break seemed so far away, like I would have to wait a lifetime for the chance to see Grey again. It stole my breath away.
“It’ll be okay.” He got up from his chair, walked behind me, and wrapped his arms around me, his face touching the top of my head. “The break will go faster than you think.”
“It just came so fast,” I said.Are those tears welling in my eyes?I really needed to get it together. “I don’t even know what you’re doing for Christmas.”
Grey chuckled. “I’m going home. My mom will be here tomorrow, and we’ll be on a cruise by Tuesday.”
“A cruise?” I asked blankly.
I felt him shrug.
“My family doesn’t have many traditions, but theydoenjoy the huge discounts around Christmas. So, yes, a cruise.”
I had to laugh. “Well, don’t have too much fun without me.”
“I won’t,” he promised. Then so softly that I was certain I wasn’t meant to hear it: “That would be impossible.”
My parents were waitingfor me outside my apartment. I’d stupidly forgotten that Josh and Kellan weren’t there to let them in. My apologies were quickly brushed aside in favor of enormous bear hugs from both parties. As usual, each tried to outdo the other by stealing a few seconds more when hugging me. Surprisingly, it didn’t bother me too much. A semester apart had replaced my exhaustion over their antics with a feeling of peace. This was home, my messy, messy home.
We quickly gathered my clothes into a suitcase, straightened the apartment’s living space at my mother’s request, and within the hour, we were on the road. I watched campus fade in the rearview mirror until it vanished from sight. It felt so strange—my whole world contained in such a small, isolated place.
My parents bantered in the car as we drove, the polar opposite of how they’d behaved when they’d dropped me off a few months ago. Funny. Dad had indeed lost weight, and Mom was clearly a fan of the new him. I chuckled to myself and rolled my eyes. This happened every two or three years. Dad would suddenly become less revolting to Mom, and she would toy with the idea that he was different and a good fit for her.
It would only last so long before she realized she didn’t get along with him on any level other than physical attraction, but for now, their ceasefire was nice—almost enough to make me feel like we were one big, happy family again. I leaned my head against the window and closed my eyes. The lack of rest from the night before had finally gotten to me, and I drifted off to sleep.
The holidaysat my mom’s were nothing short of a whirlwind. She was all about going big for Christmas, so she was often in and out of the house, buying presents and decorations and ingredients for recipes. Somehow, she always managed to forget the one thing she absolutely needed, thereby requiring a second trip—either by her or me.
Grey and I kept up over text for the first few days, but then he went on his cruise. And apparently, the middle of the Gulf of Mexico had no cell reception. So I was left alone with nothing but the chores and my thoughts to distract me.
My thoughts weren’t the best of company. I’d been so caught up in Grey and the school semester that coming home to my parents had seemed like some far-off event, not something imminent. Though I’d fully planned to confess my newfound feelings to them over the break, I hadn’t given it much thought beyond the vague concept of deciding to do it. I couldn’t help but face it now that I was home.
And sure, I could conceivably stay firmly in the closet that I hadn’t realized I’d lived in my whole life. I wasn’t even fully sure what to come outas, but for now, I would go with bisexual, considering my romantic past. But I’d never felt the desire to hide anything about my life from my parents, and I wasn’t in the mood to begin. My situation with Grey might just be starting, but that didn’t mean I should leave my parents out of the loop.
It was easier said than done. They’d never given the slightest indication that they would care if I liked boys, but that didn’t stop the fear of being kicked out on the street in the middle of Christmas break from creeping into the back of my mind, though, realistically, I knew that it was ridiculous to evenconsider. So I did my best to shove down my unreasonable fears and vowed to figure out how to announce my newfound queerness before the end of break.
Christmas passed in its normal fashion. Dad and some family from both sides came over to Mom’s, and we ate an ungodly amount of food. My grandparents asked the usual questions about my major, though they hardly seemed to understand much about it beyond the letter grade. My mom’s sister regaled us with stories about her latest trip to Japan. I was in that awkward phase of life where I was either too old or too young to really be friends with my cousins, but it was a typical, only slightly uncomfortable experience.
Grey got back from his trip shortly before New Year’s, and we chatted a lot over text. I vented about how stressed I was to have the conversation with my parents, and he was supportive, of course.
At least you have a choice when to come out,he texted.I had to own up to it when my dad went through our internet search history. Both my parents were cool about it, but it was awkward for a while.
That made me feel marginally better. At least if my parents made things weird, I could jet back to school and give them another four months to simmer on the revelation. New Year’s came and went, and before I knew it, I was sitting with my parents at the dinner table, on the Wednesday before I would be leaving for the semester.
The dinner was one of the last two chances I would have to come out to my parents face-to-face. My dad would be busy with some conference or another the rest of the week, so I wouldn’t see him in the same room as my mom until Saturday, when they would both be driving me back to school. So it was either tell them tonight, or wait until the car ride. And though there wasn’t exactly a “coming-out manual,” I was pretty sure that if therewere, it would have “make sure parents are not operating heavy machinery” written in big, bold letters on the first page.
