The man nods and walks back to his podium, and I find the will to stand and scrub the tears from my face. I steel my spine and take a steadying breath, and then I walk out of the airport with my head held high.
CHAPTER FORTY
Jamie – Now
Avi’s words slice through me like a knife made of ice, leaving me frozen in place—fingers digging into the couch on either side of her.
My mind races.
She almost came for me. The day I announced my book deal.
That day feels light-years away now. So much has happened in the six years since then, but I remember that day in vivid clarity just the same. I’d finally gotten the official Publisher’s Marketplace announcement and was so excited to share the news. I’d created my new author profile and was feeling like I was on top of the world. Exactly as I should’ve been, yet I had no idea that thousands of miles away my success in one area of my life all but solidified the failure of another…
“I-I think I need a minute.” I push to my feet, away from her, away from the sadness in her eyes. “I need some time. Can you, um, can you go? Please?” The words are getting harder to force through my throat and I really don’t want to lose it in front of her again. “Please, Avonlea.”
She stands and the grief in her eyes is something I never wanted to see. But at the same time, my heart is shattering as all the implications of this bombshell begin to take shape in my mind.
“I know you don’t want to hear it, but Iamsorry, Jamie. I’m sorry for all of it, but I’m especially sorry you found out this way. I’ve been wanting to tell you for weeks but couldn’t find the words.Thiswas never what I wanted.” She walks past me, and when we come shoulder to shoulder, she squeezes my bicep and looks up to meet my gaze.
I flinch away from her touch—not because I don’t want it but because my entire body feels like an exposed nerve. Raw and painful. Her face falls and she drops her hand—along with her gaze—and walks out of the cottage.
I don’t even bother to go to the couch. I just slump down onto the floor and drop my head into my hands.
What the fuck do I do now?
CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
Avonlea – Now
I’m not sure whether that went well or not. What would be the definition of “well” for this scenario anyway? If there’s a manual for how to tell your estranged best friend—whom you loved as a teenager and maybe still do—that he’s been a father for more than a third of his life, I sure as hell wasn’t given a copy.
I make my way to the garden, and though I’m headed for the bench swing, I end up stopping at the tire. I wonder if it will hold me. If I sit here long enough, could it take me back in time?
I should go inside, search out Lennox, begin untangling this mess I’ve made. But a little bit of quiet might be prudent right now. To get my head on straight and my feelings sorted out so they don’t overwhelm him the way they are me.
Lennox. My heart aches for him in the same way it aches for Jamie.
For years I’ve justified my choices to myself. But in light of today, there’s some pretty dark shadows cast on all those reasons and they feel less and less valid with each passing second. I kept Lennox from Jamie, and Jamie has every right to be angry at me for that. But I also kept Jamie from Lennox, and that might hurt even worse.
I’ve worked so hard to give Lennox everything he could possibly need. He has had a loving family to grow up in and wanted for very little, yet the increase in his questions about his dad over the past few years just shows that he was missing something. Something I couldn’t give him on my own, and fuck, that stings.
He’s been my everything for so long, and to know that deep down I couldn’t be everything to him hurts a little. I know it’s unfair; his desire to explore the other half of himself is natural, and instead of telling him the truth, I always put it off.
I had planned to tell him about Jamie eventually… I did. But it was never the right time, and now I’m out of time because there’s no way forward but through, and we’ll have to figure out what that looks like together. The way it should’ve been since the beginning.
“Mum?” Lennox’s voice is quiet and unsure. I look up and see him standing in the kitchen door, Angus and Aileen at his back with sad but encouraging smiles on their faces. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, bud. Want to take a walk with me?” I ask, thinking fresh air will lighten the blow of what I need to tell him.
“Okay.” He looks up at Aileen. “We can finish our game later?”
She nods. “Of course. Why don’t you two take the rest of the day off, head home. We’ve got everything covered here.”
I’m about to protest when Angus pipes in. “It’s okay, lass. We’ve got this. You two take the evening. We’ll see you tomorrow.”
There’s no arguing with him and I know it. “Alright. Go grab your bag, Lennox, and we can walk home. We’ll get the car tomorrow.”
He takes off like a shot. I hold my tongue, and with it the reminder that running through the kitchen is dangerous and not allowed, and walk over to Angus and Aileen.
