My sister and brother-in-law have a cute blue Cape Cod about ten minutes from my house. They live on a cul-de-sac, which is full of growing families. It’s comforting that Sutton has a nice, safe area that she loves and has good neighbors looking out for her while Deck is gone, which is often. His missions and deployments are not typical since he is attached to an elite, highly classified SEAL team.
Today we are hanging out here so that Lainey can help Sutton set up her coffee bar in the kitchen for the gender reveal she wants to have ready whenever Deck comes home. She has no idea when that will be, so she wants to get all the little details “just right,” as she said, so that as soon as he walks in the door she can share the happy news that they are going to have a daughter. I can’t wait to spoil my little niece and was thrilled for them when Sutton shared her happy news.
The doorbell rings and Sutton’s squeal of excitement can probably be heard from space. “My ears, Sut,” I say, sticking a finger in one and wincing.
“Sooorrry! I am just so excited. That should be Kendra and she has my mug. It is themostimportant part of this whole setup, Rem.” She rushes to the door, flinging it open to, in fact, reveal Kendra who encourages more squealing.
Lainey laughs at my pained face and says, “Let her be excited, this is a fun memory she is trying to make extra special for Deck. And Kendra has been working hard, too.”
“Yeah, okay,” I grumble, leaning on the counter and crossing my arms, waiting for the big mug presentation.
The girls all surround the island with the small box that Kendra has, the star item carefully wrapped in tissue paper tucked inside. Sutton is rubbing her baby bump and practically vibrating with anticipation.
Kendra gently unwraps an oversized cream-colored mug with a sturdy handle. All over it, tiny hearts painted in various shades of pink add a delicate cheerfulness. Turning the mug, the front showcases, in a bold, masculine font, the script that reads “GIRL DAD.” I can’t help the wide smile that spreads on my face when I see it.
Sutton sucks in a breath, and happy tears swarm her warm, brown eyes. She cradles the mug in her hands like a precious treasure and whispers, “It’s perfect.”
Lainey and Kendra swipe away their own tears and hold each other in a side hug as they watch Sutton examine each angle of the mug. Lainey looks up at me and I give her a wink, which makes her respond with a watery grin.
“The happiness in this moment is worth the squeals, I guess,” I say, breaking the bubble the girls were floating in.
Sutton rolls her eyes at me and says, “Oh, shush! You know this mug is ev-er-y-thing!”
“Kendra’s rubbing off on you,” I quip.
“Damn straight.” Kendra laughs.
The girls are in a fit of giggles when the doorbell rings again.
“Oh! That’s probably Mom,” Sutton says. “I told her all about this, and that Kendra was planning on dropping off the mug today. She can’t wait to see it. She is going tojust dieover the cuteness.”
She walks to the front door, mug still cradled in her grip, smiling with delight. We all watch from the open kitchen as she swings the front door wide, but it isnotmy mother that stands on her doorstep.
Two uniformed men are there.
“Good afternoon, we are here to speak to Mrs. Sutton Brooks,” the first man, tall, dark, and voice like gravel, states.
“That’s me,” Sutton says quietly, her hand hovering over her belly. “Please come in.” Both men enter, eyes surveying the room and landing back on my sister, focused and somber.
“Ma’am, on behalf of the Secretary of the Navy, I regret to inform you that your husband, Lieutenant Derek Brooks was severely injured early this morning on a mission and was reported dead at nine a.m. I am deeply sorry for your loss.”
The heart-covered mug slips from Sutton’s hand and shatters around her feet. Her gut-wrenching scream fills the silence that echoed through the house after the officer delivered my sister her worst nightmare. Her body falls to the floor in slow motion, and I can’t reach her fast enough. The two uniformed men try and fail to keep her fragile body from landing on the broken ceramic shards. The sobs that wrack Sutton’s body have nothing to do with the small cuts pooling with blood. No, she probably can’t even feel those wounds as I reach her, and I wrap her in my arms, scoop her up, and bring her to the living room couch.
Her most penetrating wound is gaping open from her very soul, one that won’t ever fully heal. How can it? The love of her life, her best friend and the father of her unborn child, their baby girl, is dead.
Derek Brooks, one of my best friends, and the person that always seemed superhuman, wouldnotbe walking in that door “any day” to the surprise we were happily creating for him moments ago. I look toward the kitchen and see Kendra and Lainey clinging to one another, crying. I want to hold Laineytoo, but I can’t let go of Sutton. Her cries are so painful and raw. It’s a sound I didn’t know a human was capable of making and one I wish I didn’t know existed, especially coming from a person I love so deeply. I want to carry this pain for her, wipe away the last ten minutes and bring back the happy squeals I was teasing her about. But I don’t think that happiness will run through her veins anytime soon, if ever again.
There is another knock at the door. Lainey quickly moves through the kitchen and around the broken mug to answer it. I look over, surprised to see the two men that came to notify us of Derek’s death still in the room, having forgotten all about them, as they stand there holding a silent sentry over the scene. I should talk to them, but I don’t even know what to say.
Tears pouring down her face, Lainey opens the door to find my mother standing there. Instantly her smile falls when she sees how upset Lainey is and she says, “Oh dear, what’s wrong?” with one hand cupping my beautiful woman’s cheek and wiping away some of her tears.
“Renee,” Lainey whimpers. “It’s Derek.” She points toward the living room. My mom takes in the space. The men, the mess, her children on the couch. Her hand flies to her chest, then she rushes to us, and my arms around Sutton are replaced with hers. Sutton looks up and sees that our mother is here and starts gasping for air, like she can’t get enough.
“Breathe, Sutton. Slow down, baby. Slow. Shhh.” My mom calms, rocks, rubs, and soothes her daughter until she is not gulping for air. I want to throw up and run out of the room all at the same time.
Fuck, why is this happening?
I turn around and find Lainey pressed flat against the wall, arms wrapped around herself and shaking. Her eyes are wide and tears are flowing in a steady stream. The men arespeaking in hushed tones to my mom as she strokes Sutton’s back. I notice that Kendra has found a broom and started to sweep up the broken mug, even while her tears are just as steady as Lainey’s.
