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I sat right next to my mom, and we grabbed each other’s hands.
“I was relieved and happy because it feels like my mom and I are finally admitting that there are skeletons in our closets versus the rosy childhood it felt like I was being told I had. There were times I thought I was crazy, and I had imagined what my father did to my mom. I was sad, thinking about everything she had gone through. And I truly feel loved by her. The honesty in her words resonated within me. I’m confused because this is my mom, but it feels as if I’m seeing the real her for the first time in years. I used to get glimpses as a kid, but she faded away with time.”
Doctor Jacobs wrote something down and then looked at me. “Those are all normal feelings, Ainsley. Your mom wanted help, and that makes a huge difference. Do you blame yourself, Ainsley?”
I looked down at my ring before looking back at the doctor. “Yes. I know it’s not rational, and hearing the words from my mom has helped, but anytime the memories try to haunt me, I imagine there will always be a small piece of me that wonders what if I had done something.”
My mom squeezed my hand, and another tear fell from her cheek.
“Christine, that is completely normal for Ainsley to feel that way. Our regrets and mistakes shape us. The scars of what you both went through will always be present, but they can become unnoticeable, small blemishes with time and healing. Ainsley, your mom has made remarkable progress.”
I nodded. “I can tell. This is one of the best days of my life.”
My mom kissed the side of my head. “Me, too.”
The sound of the pen on the paper made noise. Doctor Jacobs looked up and smiled. “You guys are blessed to have the love and bond you share. Christine, did you want to tell Ainsley the decision you came to this morning?”
My mom removed her hands from mine and angled herself my way. “I have decided to sell everything inside the house, except for my parents’ memorabilia in the basement I was able to save and anything else you might want. I think a new beginning is what we both need. I plan on getting something smaller. As long as you’re okay with it, I’m going to get it listed.”
This day could not get any better. “I think it’s a wonderful idea. Besides Grandma’s things, I took everything that I wanted when I left. How much longer are you staying here? Is there something I can do to get it listed for you?”
She gave me such a genuine smile that my heart was soaring. “I’ve elected to stay here for at least another thirty days to continue with my counseling. We’re discussing in what capacity and if I’ll enter the half-way program. I’d like for you to start coming once a week for us to make sure we have a solid foundation. In regard to the house being put on the market, a realtor is bringing by some paperwork for me to sign, and it will be listed.”
Doctor Jacobs added, “Everyone is feeling positive and wonderful right now. That’s an excellent thing. Studies have shown that if you continue the healing process, you make life-long changes, so when your instinct is to go back to your comfort zone, you have the tools to keep yourself from doing that.”
It was information and emotion overload as I tried to take it all in and analyze it. “I’d love to do that, and I think it’s an excellent idea to come see my mom every week.”
Doctor Jacobs stood, and my mom and I followed suit.
“I think we have made some excellent progress today. Ainsley, you were given a lot to process, and I would imagine as you sort through everything your mom has said, you might have some questions. Does the same time next week work?”
My heart was sad that my time had been so limited with my mom, but I kept on my brave face. My mom needed this time to get better, and in the process, I would heal, too.
“Yes, that works great. Thank you, Doctor Jacobs.” I turned and gave my mom a hug. “I feel like I just got here, but I am so happy right now. I’ll be back next week. I love you.”
She returned the hug. “Love you, too, sweetie. Go spend some time with your guy.”
I remembered that I hadn’t told my mom what he did. “Mom, I want you to know what Adam does.”
My mom held up her hand. “I already know. Your father told me when he called. Ainsley, if he makes you happy, that is all that matters to me.”
“He does, Mom. He really does.”
“Good. I’m happy for you.”
We started walking toward the door, and Clarice was there, waiting, as if she knew we would be leaving. Mom and I hugged and said good-bye one last time. Then, I followed Clarice to the front entrance. I felt like the puzzle pieces in my life were finally falling into place. Adam was waiting at the desk, and I bounded into his arms.
He kissed the top of my head. “How did it go?”
I was practically beaming. “Perfect. She’s so much better. I’ll tell you all about it on the way home.”
We walked back to the car.
As soon as we got in the car, Adam turned to me. “Your letter was beautiful, baby. Thank you again for sharing that piece of yourself with me.”
I smiled. “I’m glad. I wanted you to be a part of it.”
On our way to Adam’s, I couldn’t stop talking about everything that had transpired with my mom. “You were right. It was different and odd, but for me, it was refreshing, too. I don’t know what happened with Brandt, and I’m not asking, but with my mom, I never knew her without the fear looming over her. She’s free and discovering herself. It’s a beautiful thing.”
He pulled into the garage. “I’m happy for you, baby, and for your mom. You are in a different situation than what Brandt’s was.” He scrubbed a hand down his face and looked at me. “There are very few people who know Brandt had an intervention. He swore me to secrecy, or I’d tell you. He did say that it was okay for me to tell you about the intervention in general and what I had experienced. I don’t want you to think that I don’t trust you.”
I leaned over and kissed him. His whiskers tickled my face. “I know, and I’ll never pressure you for information that doesn’t belong to me.”
He gave me a loving smile. “Let’s go inside.”
We walked into the house, and he had filled the living room with flowers.
“Are these for me?”
Adam turned me around and grazed his lips to mine. “Each petal represents how many times I thought about you today.”
“I love you.” The words had come out of my mouth without any warning.
I was such an ass. Ainsley had told me she loved me last night, and the words had died in my throat when I tried to talk. So, instead, I had tried to show her by making love to her among all the flowers in the house. I hadn’t been able to tell what she was thinking. When I’d kissed her instead of speaking, I’d seen the hurt flash across her face momentarily, but she hadn’t pushed me for the words. However, now it felt like there was a big fucking elephant in the room between us. The last time I’d uttered those words to a woman, she’d put my heart into a blender. Ainsley had the power to do much worse damage.
Ainsley had been normal this morning, but hell, I was paranoid at this point. It was lunch, and I was at the club, handling all the administrative shit to get my mind off of that stupid-ass elephant that wanted to be dealt with. There was a knock at my office door.
“Come in.”
“Adam?”
Fuck.
I stood and came around my desk. “Selena, what the hell are you doing here?”
She looked the same as she had four years ago. I hadn’t seen her since I walked into the family function where my asshole of a brother had decided to tell—no, show me that he was with Selena. Her black hair was longer, but she still had those green cat eyes. There wasn’t a bit of me that was attracted to her. Relief coursed through my body.
Have I been worried about what I would feel when I saw her? Was I afraid that I would still have feelings for her? Is that why I refused to give Ainsley that last piece of me?
Yes, it was.
I love Ainsley.
There was
nothing between Selena and me.
Nothing.
She walked toward my desk. “I know Jessica filled you in on Jake leaving me when he found out I was pregnant.”
Regardless of how I felt about her, she was still in a shitty situation. “She did.” My voice was without emotion.
She walked a little closer until about three feet separated us. I stepped back.
“I need your help, Adam.”
I laughed in disbelief. “That’s pretty funny, coming from you. Selena, I don’t have time for this shit. I’m sorry for the situation you’re in, but it’s not my place to get involved.”
She gave me a sad look. “Just pretend you are interested in getting me back. Jake wants whatever you have. He always has. I made the wrong choice all those years ago, Adam. He’s only kept me around because he thought you wanted me. But I guess he doesn’t think you’d want me with a baby on the way. He promised me marriage, a family, and a beautiful life. I’ve gotten none of that. I only have heartache and pain. I wish I had made a different choice, but I love him.”
My fears were confirmed. Jake would try to get Ainsley if he knew I loved her. I needed to let her know how I felt. I stepped back farther. I was not telling Selena I had someone in my life. It would spread like wildfire through my family.
“Selena, I’m sorry Jake did this to you, but I’m not getting involved. It took me a while, but my life is where it’s supposed to be. If it were me, I’d be glad he was out of my life. Don’t waste several more years falling prey to his games. I wish the best, but I’m not a pawn in your chess game.”
“Adam—”
“Go, Selena. I’m not your guy anymore. You chose Jake. Try to work it out with him if that’s what you want.” The plead in her voice made me feel sorry for her, but it didn’t make me want to move heaven and earth for her like I once had.
A few tears started to trickle down her face. “The Adam I knew would have done that for me.”
“I’m not the Adam you knew.”
I stood there without wavering or any emotion on my face. If she sensed any empathy, she would become a bigger problem and potentially a problem for Ainsley. I needed to explain all this to Ainsley before Jake found out about her.
