Reno excused himself to bed earlier than he’d ever done the entire time Luka had been there and fell asleep as soon as he lay down. Luka turned on the TV, but didn’t see what was playing; it might as well have been static.
It reminded him too much of California.
Sitting alone, late at night with the TV as his only company, wondering if the person in the other room hated him as much as he feared. Luka refused to reconcile with that feeling. He refused to place the burden of his insecurities on Reno’s shoulders. Reno wouldn’t treat him like that.
But he’d still broken Luka’s trust. The security of finally feeling like he knew who Reno was had fallen away, leaving Luka lingering on the outskirts of Reno’s world, wondering if he would ever really belong or if Reno wouldn’t allow him to.
He’d called August earlier and he tried now to remember the comforting words they’d given him. But everything was distorting and blurring, running together. Their reassurances that this was something Reno and Luka could work through felt hollow when August said they would dust his bedroom for him if he wanted to come home. Going home felt like giving up, but staying…
He didn’t know how to feel about that anymore.
He itched to move, but his body was frozen stiff.
He wanted to sleep and he wanted to stay awake forever.
He wanted a drink, a smoke, oblivion, or numbness, and he tried hard not to inhale the sweet scent of his boyfriend lingering behind on the couch pillows. Marshmallow, blossom, sugar, and musk.
A ridiculous smell for a moment like this one.
Reno was still asleep when Luka woke the next morning, and again, nothing felt better.
A text rolled in from Cane advising him not to take his morning run until he’d arrived, and Luka had to wonder when Cane had even gotten his number. Luka hadn’t been the one to give it to him.
He wondered if Reno had handed it out to everyone when he’d arrived, a network of persons controlled by Reno’s overprotective nature, ordered to keep tabs on where Luka was and who he was with. Reno hadn’t asked Luka if he was okay with that. Reno didn’t explain anything; he was so paranoid. It wasn’t unjustified, but it was still so unfair to keep it from Luka.
Luka had asked Reno for his independence, and then Reno didn’t believe he could stand on his own.
He looked at Reno sleeping next to him, his eyes still swollen and his lip cracked from dehydration, and Luka found him so achingly beautiful it was hard to look at anything else.
It would be so easy if Luka hadn’t—he got out of bed in search of a glass of water to leave by the bed for Reno—fallen in love.
Fuck.
Luka tried to piece it all together. The happiness he felt being around Reno. The way Reno treated him with patience and kindness. The way they laughed together. The constant surveillance. Getting to witness Reno writing music. The power imbalance. A beautiful city to live in, for free. Reno’s hand in his,Reno’s lips on his neck. Millions of fans outing him online. New friends—Reno’s friends—not knowing if they would stand up for him against Reno if Reno hurt him. Reno, asleep, with his long, baby pink hair tangled around him like a halo. He looked like an angel.
Luka moved a strand of hair away from Reno’s face, and Reno stirred before settling back into sleep. Luka’s phone pinged. Cane texted, saying he was waiting outside, so Luka got his shoes on and shoved the flat’s keys into his pocket in case Reno wasn’t home when he got back.
“Long night?”
Cane looked Luka up and down as Luka glared at him. Cane didn’t look much better off.
“Thanks. You look like shit too.”
“Wanna do halfsies today?” Cane stretched then checked his shoe laces, and Luka made a noncommittal noise before moving into a slow jog away from Reno’s flat.
Cane was fast to catch up, and they fell into an easy rhythm together, having taken the same paths every day for a while. Luka felt tense, though, now understanding just why Reno had stuck Cane on him for his morning runs.
It was a beautiful, rare sunny day, and soon enough, Luka had to pause to take his thin hoodie off and tie it around his waist.
Cane used the moment to pull a knee to his chest, one at a time, before saying, “You’re even less chatty than usual.”
“Yup,” Luka grunted, tying his hair back tighter.
“How’s Reno?”
“Ask them yourself.” Luka took off running again, and Cane, not missing a beat, caught up in moments.
“I will. But he likes to lie to me,” Cane said. “Always an ‘I’m fine!’when it's clear he cried himself to sleep.”
