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Ivy nodded and pulled back. Damn, she was so strong. After everything that was going on, what she’d been through with losing her mom, she kept her shit together. She was smart, an honor student, had the pick of where she wanted to go for college, and I was so damn proud of her even if I didn’t say it.
Stephan gave us both one more look, then started to walk past me. He stopped and clapped me on the back.
“Thank you again. For everything.”
God, I felt like such a fucking bastard. The memory of the kiss I’d shared with Ivy was so fresh in my mind, so fucking fresh that I felt my lips tingle, felt the arousal rush through my veins. My desire started climbing and I couldn’t help but look at her.
Stephan left the kitchen and I stood there staring at her. She glanced up at me as if she could feel my gaze. I had no doubt she could. It was like she was on autopilot, like she knew she had to be a rock for everyone around her even if it slowly chipped away at her.
“This is weird, right?” she finally said and sat back down at the table.
I clenched my jaw tightly. God, she was beautiful as she stared up at me with her big blue eyes. “How do you mean?”
She didn’t speak for a long moment, but finally shrugged. “I guess how things play out, how life works.” She was staring at me, and I wanted nothing more than to pick her up and carry her to my room, lay her on my bed and just hold her. “I would have never thought my mom would die so young. I would have never thought my dad would lose his job because he fell in love with a woman so much younger than him.” She shrugged again. “Life is just funny, I guess.”
“It’s unpredictable.” My voice was colder. I didn’t want to sound so hard.
She nodded. “Yeah, that’s a good word for it.”
The silence descended again, and I knew that I had to be strong, had to be someone she looked up to, not someone she desired. I was in love with her, and that would never change, but I had to stay away.
And I knew that as much as I wanted her, as much as I told myself that I couldn’t let her go, I had to keep away.
She was a temptation that I didn’t know if I could resist.
She was a drug that fed my addiction.
She was the one woman I loved and knew I’d never fully have.
And the very thought of staying away was like someone had reached in and torn out my fucking heart.
But it was for the best. Right?
It had to be because pain this fucking intense had to be for something.
8
Ivy
I watched Matthew walk out of the kitchen twenty minutes ago, and yet here I sat, staring at the wall, thinking about everything that had happened this far.
To be honest, it was pretty minuscule in the grand scheme of things.
So what, I was in love with a man I couldn’t really have.
So what, my father was seeing a woman close to my age.
Things were always the worst before they got better, right? I wanted to be the adult I legally was, the one who could stand on her own two feet, who was starting college in the fall. I wanted to show everyone I could handle things on my own, that I didn’t need babysitters, that I could help support this family.
But stress ate away at a person, and there was enough of that going around right now.
I found myself standing and leaving the kitchen, walking up the stairs and heading toward my father’s room at the end of the hall. The door was slightly open and I knocked on it, pushing on it slightly so I could see inside.
My dad had a suitcase on the bed, and a stack of clothes beside that. There was a pile of hangers in the center of the mattress, and his loafers on the floor. He stood by the closet and glanced over at me, smiling. He was just pulling out a dress shirt when he turned to face me.
“Everything okay, Ivy?”
I swallowed, my throat so thick. I didn’t even know if this was the best time, but I figured there was no point in waiting. Maybe if I was honest—about this at least—it would take away some of that stress.
“I just wanted to tell you that I’m happy you’re happy.” There was a long moment of silence between us, and I felt the air change, felt something in my father shift.
He’d been taken aback by what I said.
“I just wanted to let you know that I don’t think it’s weird that you’re seeing someone close to my age. I’m not upset, and I’m not fragile. And I think you feel that way because you haven’t really talked about her, or any of this with me, to be honest.” I took a deep breath in. “But if you’re happy, I’m happy. And I just wanted you to know that before you left.”
