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He walked toward me, and in the process tossed the shirt he’d taken out of the closet onto the bed. He took my hands in his and gave them a light squeeze.
“I’ll be honest, Ivy. It wasn’t me losing my job that had me so worried. Even me leaving for this job didn’t weigh on me so heavily.” He licked his lips and looked down at our conjoined hands. “It’s the fact that I felt like I’ve disappointed you.” He looked up at me then and I stared into his blue eyes, ones that were exactly like mine. “It’s been so long since I cared about anyone. After your mother passed away I focused on raising you. That’s what mattered. But this just kind of … happened. And I am happy. But your happiness matters to me as well, even more than my own.”
God, if only I could be honest about how I felt for Matthew. “Your happiness is just as important as anybody else’s. And I know Mom wouldn’t want you to be alone. I know I don’t want you to be.” I smiled at him and gave his hands a squeeze.
“I know Cora is young, just a year older than you, but I think you’d really like her. I hope you do.”
This was the first time he’d ever said her name. It was a little bit strange hearing my father talk about a woman he cared for. But it was only that way because I’d never seen him love anyone but my mother.
“I love you, Dad. I don’t care that you’re dating Cora. I know that has been weighing heavily on you.”
He let go of my hands and smiled. “It’s a little weird though, isn’t it?”
I chuckled softly and nodded. “It’s a lot weird, if I’m being honest. But like I said, I’m not a child and don’t need to be sheltered. If you’re happy, then I’m happy.” I ran my hands down my thighs, my jeans feeling extra rough against the sensitive flesh. “I’d like to meet her. I’d like to meet the woman you care about.”
He gave me another smile and this one was more genuine, more from the heart.
“Okay,” he said softly. “I’d like you to meet her.” He pulled me in for another hug.
I rested my head on his chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heart. I remembered doing this as a child, that sound lulling me to sleep, telling me that everything would be all right because my father was here. He was my protector, looked out for me, and made sure I never went to bed upset. He held me as I cried after my mother passed away, told me everything would be okay because he’d make it so.
And as I pulled back and looked into his face, I knew even at nineteen years old I was still my father’s little girl. I knew no matter what, he’d love me, even if I told him I was in love with Matthew … his brother.
I left my father so he could finish packing and headed to my room. I closed the door and leaned against it, resting my head back on the wood and closing my eyes.
It had only been a few days since Matthew and I had shared that kiss, yet in just those few days he’d been avoiding me, had been distant, almost even cold to me. I wanted to believe he thought he was doing the right thing. I wanted to believe that what he’d told me after he’d pressed his body to mine had been what he’d really meant.
Surely those words weren’t a heat of the moment kind of thing?
But this was all new territory for me. And each day I felt him building that wall thicker between us, my heart broke a little more.
I could either accept it and try and move on, or stand my ground and refuse to give up on the only man I’d ever loved.
Because the very thought of almost having Matthew, but then realizing it might never come to fruition, felt as though a piece of me had been pulled away, as if I’d been ripped in half. And the more he pulled back, the more I wanted him, the more I wanted to admit that what we had was good and right and everything in-between.
But the memory of him stopping, of him saying we couldn’t do this, that it was wrong, replayed in my head like a broken record.
Part of me knew he was right, that being together would start this butterfly effect, this ripple in the water that could very well turn into a tidal wave. I didn’t want to hurt my father. I didn’t want to hurt anyone. I just wanted to be with Matthew and love him and not have to worry about what everyone else might say.
