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I stay in the bathtub and just cry. I can’t move. Within a few short minutes, that felt painfully long, I hear him call my name as the front door opens. I call his name and listen to his heavy footsteps come down the hall where he swings the door open. He’s dressed in jeans and a plaid button-up top. He no longer has his beard and his hair is short again. It feels like I haven’t seen him in weeks.
He looks bigger too, like he gained more muscles from working out. How long has it been since I’ve truly looked at him? Admired him? He sets his phone and keys down on the counter. Before I can say anything or beckon him, water is spilling over the tub as he jumps in with all his clothes on, his shoes still on his feet.
Grabbing my face with his large palms, he searches my eyes. “What’s wrong, baby? You’re scaring me.” He wipes away the tears rolling down my cheeks with his calloused thumbs.
“I’m just sorry that I’ve been avoiding you—pushing you away. I haven’t felt like myself lately. I really want to work on this, I don’t want to lose you.” His lips land on my forehead where he leaves them there, pushing with force.
“You’re my woman, I’m not leaving without a fight,” he says, kissing down the bridge of my nose until he gets to my lips.
“Are you sure there’s nothing going on, baby? I really want to help you,” he says, unfortunately breaking our kiss.
“Yes, I’m just tired and struggling with everything that has happened lately—work, Pops, your mom—everything. I just needed time to process it all. I promise I’ll be better,” I lie, I was so sure I was gonna tell him about the possible infertility, but I couldn’t. I choked.
“I know things are crazy right now—our lives, but we’re gonna get through this baby, I promise. We’ve been through so much already and we survived it. We can only do that together though, okay?”
I nod my head in understanding; I don’t have much to say, I just want to be surrounded by him, protected by him, comforted by him.
“Let’s go take a nap, we’re both exhausted.”
I squint my eyes at him and laugh. “That’s a nice way of saying I look bad.”
He grabs my chin a little tighter. “Hey, no, it wasn’t, I’m trying very hard to keep my hands off your wet, soapy body. So hush and let’s get out.”
He stands and helps me up, grabbing the towel to wrap me up tight. Unplugging the bathtub he starts to strip down, wringing his clothes out one item at a time until he’s naked. I stand in front of the bathroom vanity and stare at him. Trey wraps a towel low around his lean hips. He’s really the greatest human I know, and he’s mine, my human, my soul, my heart. Showing up here and not asking questions, not instigating a fight or rehashing the crap I put him through the past couple weeks—nothing. He swooped in and revived me, forgiving me like that of a true hero.
Slowly taking steps toward me, he stops in front of me, his hand hesitantly rising to the side of my neck, his thumb stroking my cheek. We share a long gaze and just revel in the feeling of reconnecting.
Picking me up wedding style, I rest my head against his shoulder and close my eyes until he lays me on my bed. Removing our towels
, he gets us in bed and bundles us in a fort of blankets so we’re warm and skin on skin. It’s perfect. It’s home.
I put my nose against his, pondering what to say next, thinking of all the words I’ve imagined saying once we had this time together. But none of them seem sufficient enough.
“I’m scared of what’s happening in our lives, Shayla, and us not talking.” He closes his eyes, biting his lip in thought. “I was worried we were over. It felt like I was just waiting for the call where you said we were over. Losing my dad was painful, but just the mere thought of losing you was like a fucking riptide. It pulled me under, filled my lungs with water, and stopped my heart from beating.”
This confession pains me; during the past few months I was so lost in my world that I forgot what my presence in his life meant. It means to him what it does to me. We’re too dependent on each other to push each other away when things in our lives are so messed up. It’s like we flipped sides, he was the one suffering when we first got together, but now I’m the one who’s struggling.
“I know, it’s all my fault. But I was never going to leave you. I wouldn’t ever leave you unless you didn’t want me anymore.” I feel my chin start to tremble and my lips become numb. I look down and let my tear fall and hit the pillow. I just want to spend some time alone with Trey. Him and I, where all the catastrophes in our lives can handle themselves.
“That’ll never happen, baby.” He kisses me, taking my lips and begging for entrance with his tongue. When our tongues sweep across each other, I get a hit of his unique taste. Moving his hand from my face, he runs it down my arm, over the natural curve of my hip, ending on the back of my thigh where he lifts it up and over his waist. Causing my body to move closer to his, molding perfectly against him. Reaching down, I take his hard cock in my hands, stroking it softly. Trey’s chest vibrates with a moan that tickles my lips.
“Baby…” The pained moan that leaves his lips tells me he is trying hard to resist this. Pulling his mouth away, he tilts his head so our foreheads are touching. Grabbing my hand, he removes it from him and pulls it up between our chests.
“What?” I ask breathlessly, trying to bring my hand back down to his erection.
“I want to have sex, I do—but we need sleep, and I need to just hold you and memorize the rising and falling of your chest as you take deep breaths. I need to just be here with you.”
Wow, how can a girl say no to that?
I take enough time to search his eyes, to connect him with me. “Okay.” I turn, letting him spoon me.
“We’ll have plenty of time to make love tonight. So enjoy your nap, because after, I’m going to fucking lock you away in this room.” I wiggle my ass against him as my response, enjoying the way he growls.
“You, dirty girl, you need me to fucking spank you?” he says in my ear, and I smile. Smiling feels new.
“Maybe, sir.” He growls and brings his hand down on my hip, squeezing it and biting my neck.
“Go to bed, fucking tease.” I chuckle and listen to his order, as much as I want to have sex, I’m exhausted.
