“I…I'm sorry…I don't know why I said that,” I stuttered, trying to form an apology. WhydidI say that?
My uncalled for comment acting as a reminder that Sebastian's status remained unknown left Pia looking like she wasabout to cry. “Don’t say that. He’s fine…I know he is,” she sniffled.
Kohen set a scowl on me before wrapping Pia in a hug. “What the hell, Maeve?” he growled, wiping the tear that trailed down her cheek.
I didn’t even dare look at Sawyer as I backed up towards the door, twisting the knob and busting through it. The metal slammed behind me, blocking the horrified faces of my friends from my view. They may have been upset right now, but I knew they would forgive me. They all understood what I was going through—not that it was an excuse.
Sawyer would kick my ass when he realizedI didn't go back to my room, but I didn't care. I hurried out of the castle, and once my boots touched grass, I took off running.
Down the pathway along the cliffside I sprinted, listening to the waves as they crashed amongst the rocks. My old dormitory peered into my peripheral vision as I moved towards the sound of the water, following the whisper of the sea.
I broke through the patches of dune grass that tried to conceal the beach from those like me. I peeled my boots from my feet when my eyes caught sight of the water, my toes burying themselves into the earth.
The tension secured in my chest calmed with each step I took towards the sea. The air was humid tonight, hinting at the impending summer season. With that in mind, I stripped to my undergarments and didn't stop running until my body was submerged in the water.
The waves rolled over me. I dipped my head back, saturating my hair while gazing up at the stars. I envied them. They didn't feel pain, heartache, or sorrow. The stars didn't feel regret. The stars had never known anything other than peace.
I floated until the sea salt had dehydrated me and my skin shriveled up, leaving me just as drained physically as I wasmentally. Only then, when I was completely empty, did I return to my room.
Aside from classes and meals,I refused to leave my room, and no one could make me. Pia tried. Sawyer tried. Kohen even tried. I was not moving until he came home. Alive or dead.
Ridiculous, I know, but my anxiety had me in a chokehold.
King Hawthorne gave word last week that Draemor had ceased their attack on Craterra. Caelestis’ army was too strong for them. Had we not known about their plan to attack ahead of time, things could have ended differently.
Iwasrelieved, but then a few days passed and Sebastian had not come back. Now it had been an entire week since the announcement, and he still wasn’t back. I’d seen some of the other soldiers who'd made it home, and I knew Craterra was only a few days' ride by horseback, so my mind went to the worst.
My brain told me that he was dead, but my heart told me that I would feel it in my soul if he were. I didn't know which organ to believe, so until I saw him in the flesh, or saw his corpse, I would lie in bed.
I rolled to my side, taking the plush quilt with me. I stared blankly out the window, watching the clouds roam by ever so slowly. The sun was vibrant and trees blew wildly in the midseason breeze. It looked like a beautiful day out.
I couldn't stand the sight of it.
I climbed out of bed to pull my curtains shut, blackening my room then crawling right back into my sheets to rot. Sleep has been impossible lately, so I didn't even try. I just laid in bed, withering away over the man I loved.
It truly was pathetic, but that was me—thewoman who let love completely consume her, even if it spit her back out in pieces.
The day wasted away before my very eyes, and I ignored the rumbling in my stomach that reminded me I needed to eat. Instead, I counted the divots of plaster on the ceiling.
One.
Two.
Three.
Fifty-four.
Any light that had made its way through the crack in my curtains vanished, meaning the evening hours had rolled in.
Three-hundred and thirty-one.
I closed my eyes tightly, hoping if I kept them shut long enough, I’d drift into a dream.
Sleep had almost taken me when my body flinched upright in response to a knock on my door. I knew by the sound of the fist that my visitor was not Pia.
Chapter
Thirty-Four
