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“It is.” Even if it might take some time to sink in.
“If you don’t want to do this, don’t want to bring Jardin in, then I get it. I understand.”
“I don’t,” he said to her honestly. “I don’t know how I’ll react. I don’t like knowing I’m not enough for you.”
She scowled. “You are enough for me,” she said fiercely. “He’s not going to be part of us. Our relationship. He’ll be more like a tool. Like Molly.”
Julian raised an eyebrow in amusement. “Like to see Molly taking a paddle to your ass.”
“Do . . . do you think he plans to punish us?” Her breath came in shallow pants, and he realized she was starting to panic.
“Keira. Look at me. Look at me.” Fuck. Nothing he did ever seemed to help when she had a panic attack. But he’d never used his Dom voice on her. She was gasping for breath, hyperventilating. Shit. She’d pass out if this kept up.
“Kitten, listen to me. Now. Look at me.”
Her gaze shot to his. “Slow your breath. Slow it now. One, two, in. One, two, three, out.” He grasped hold of her hand and placed it on his chest. “Follow my breaths. One, two, in. One, two, three, out. That’s it. Calm down, baby girl. Nothing is going to hurt you. No one touches you without your permission, understand me?”
“I can’t . . . I won’t allow him to—”
“Then that doesn’t happen,” he told her, cursing himself for bringing it up.
Her color started to improve. Not much, but at least she no longer looked gray. He leaned his forehead against hers.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I know I overreacted.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for.”
“But this won’t work if I don’t submit to him, right? I mean . . .”
He curled his hands into fists on the countertop. He didn’t want her submitting to anyone but him.
The image of a gorgeous, dark-haired man filled his mind. No! Not him. Never him. He’d never trust that bastard again.
But Julian knew he needed help. He couldn’t watch her all the time. If he kept going like this, he was going to crash and be no use to anyone. Look at how bad things had gotten. Keira had been blaming herself all this time and he hadn’t even noticed.
“Why don’t we wait and see what Jardin has to say before we start worrying about these sorts of things? Maybe he’ll say no. And if he does say yes, then Joel suggested we start with getting to know him. If it doesn’t gel with us, if it doesn’t feel right, then we’ll walk away.”
“And then what?” she whispered.
“I’m gonna try harder to be what you need, kitten.” He cupped her face, wiping away the tears that dripped down her face.
“You are everything I need. I wish I was stronger. That I didn’t need you so much, then maybe you’d have time to heal. If I wasn’t so weak then maybe I could help you.”
“Baby, you help me just by being here.” He took in a deep breath. “From now on, we’re going to talk to each other more, all right? If you’re scared or stressed or worried, you tell me.”
“And you’ll do the same?”
He’d been raised to believe a man didn’t admit to being scared. But he’d been raised by a man who hated everyone, who thought the world owed him something, who sat on his ass and let his wife work herself to the bone because “he was a man.”
“I will,” he said firmly.
She sniffled and he reached over to grab a tissue, gently wiping her face clean.
“I like Jardin,” she confessed. “But I don’t feel anything towards him. And I’m not sure I can trust him.”
“I know what you mean. But we both trust Joel, right?”
She nodded.
