AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Get it done?”
“Yeah. Just do it so there’s no going back.”
He shifted his weight and sat up. “That’s not happening.”
“But—”
“Maggie, I love you. I’m not just going to get it done. This isn’t like testing a cake with a toothpick.”
“God, I hope not, because that would be really disappointing.”
“You’ve already seen me.”
Another reason they should get the first time over with quickly, she hadn’t had sex in over two years. Her lady bits might scream from the shock. “I just think the first time should be fast. In and out. We can make it nice the next time, when it doesn’t feel like there’s so much riding on it.”
He stood and walked out of the room.
“Wait. Where are you going?”
“For a walk.”
She scrambled off the bed and followed him into the hall. “Are you mad at me?”
“I’m not exactly happy with you.”
Her footsteps staggered. His disappointment hurt more than expected. “You can’t get mad at me for how I feel.”
“I’m not mad. I’m … frustrated.”
“Why? Most men don’t care about foreplay anyway.”
At the foot of the stairs, he pivoted and scowled at her. “How would you know?”
Her jaw opened and closed. “Porn?”
His face twisted. “What the hell sort of porn are you watching?”
She shrugged. “The guy kind.”
He scoffed and shook his head. “First of all, I don’t like being compared to other guys. Second, I like foreplay—sometimes more than the main event—especially with you. I like feeling close to you. I want that connection. Third, if you can’t handle that then maybe we’re rushing things.”
She stared after him as he disappeared toward the kitchen. Her heart thundered. She liked the connection too. But sometimes it was too much.
She found him putting on his boots. “You make me feel like I’m in debt.”
He dropped his foot, ignoring the untied laces. “What?”
“Did you ever have a friend that was so good and kind they made you feel like a fraud?”
“No.”
“Well, that’s how I feel with you. You do everything right, Ryan. I’m a disaster, especially next to you. And you’re so thoughtful of others.” She shifted uncomfortably. “Of me.”
“You’re thoughtful too—”
“No, not like you. I’m too busy trying to navigate my own crap to think about other people as much as you do. And the way you help everyone… It’s everything about you. Half the time, I don’t even know why you’re with me. You … overwhelm me. Sometimes I feel like I don’t belong with you, but I can’t seem to give you up, so I selfishly stay and worry that one day you’ll wake up and realize you could do so much better.”
“Maggie, that’s never going to happen. Do you know how stunned I am that I even have the right to touch you? To kiss you? You say I overwhelm you. Well, I’m the lucky one. My life was nothing before you came along. It was empty and sad and so fucking lonely. I could find company, but it got old real quick. I got tired of lowering my standards to pretend at something was real when everything I found was so clearly fake. I didn’t want to settle, even when everyone else acted like I should.” He rubbed the back of his neck and flushed. “I couldn’t. Every girl I dated wasn’t right for me, and I knew it. I knew there was more, and if I was patient, I might one day fall in love. Then I found you.”
She threw her hands out in front of her. “You see? How the hell am I supposed to follow that? Debt!”
He stood from the table and caught her hands. “No. It’s not debt. It’s gratitude. I feel it too, every time you look at me or laugh at one of my stupid jokes. It’s nothing to be afraid of.”
“You make me feel so much.” She shut her eyes and pressed a hand over the ache in her chest. “I don’t know how to fit it all inside when all that’s left of me is a little, fragile piece of my heart.”
He pulled her close and hugged her to his front so her back was to his chest. “You do the same to me.” He kissed her head, rubbing his palm over the ache. “The heart’s a muscle. It gets stronger the more you use it.”
“Mine’s just a little sore. Recently, it’s been getting more use than usual.”
He chuckled. “But look how strong you’re getting.”
Making love to Ryan would be intense. She feared bursting into tears when the emotion had no place to fit. She feared losing all control and making a fool of herself. She feared letting anyone that close to her again. And then she turned and looked into his eyes and realized he had already broken down her walls and worked his way inside.
“Be gentle,” she whispered, rising on her toes to press her lips to his.
