I cock my head back in shock at his admittance but stay silent as I wait for him to continue.
“I didn’t like her at first, but then she kissed me, and it felt good to feel wanted that way. I’d never let myself feel that way with any other girls so when she broke that barrier, it unleashed something in me. I was controlled by lust. It was dumb to let lust almost ruin our friendship, and I’m sorry it took me so long to realize it. Please forgive me, Char.”
Hearing him admit those words, how he wanted her so bad physically, how he couldn’t help himself and knew he was risking our friendship made me want to hurl. I can barely stand the disgust at the truth of it, but since he’s being honest, I should be too. It’s time for us to have this conversation and move past this. Iwantto move past this once and for all and move forward back to normalcy.
“I never thought you’d be that kind of guy.” I want to say more, but the right words elude me.
He stays quiet, brows furrowed and searches my eyes, begging for forgiveness. My heart wrenches as his silent pleading reaches my soul at how sorry he is.
“I’m sorry, Char. Really.” He grabs my hand and wraps it in both of his, setting them on the comforter in my lap. His gentle touch triggers a lightning bolt that slams through me all the way down to my fingertips, causing aquick twitch. I bite the inside of my cheek and try to collect my thoughts, which feels impossible to do when my mind’s blank. I remove my hand and sit up straight.
“Thanks, Ben. That honestly means a lot. I was hurt you didn’t tell me why I was unable to talk to you or that you’d even let it get that far. It felt like you cared more about her than me.” I take a deep breath and let everything I’ve been holding in for far too long spill. “And what’s even worse was I had to find out you had sex from someone random in the locker room. The fact that you wouldn’t even tell me about it or talk to me killed me. It was such a stab to the chest. It felt like you died, and every time I had to see you after that, it was a wound that continued to get reopened for months until it numbed over.”
“I know, I know. I was stupid. I wasn’t controlled by my brain at the time.”
“Why wouldn’t she let you talk to me anyways? It’s not like I was a threat.”
Now it’s him who’s avoiding eye contact, finding something far more interesting on his hands.
“She thought you were. She said we shouldn’t have best friends of the opposite sex and that if I wanted to keep getting satisfied, I had to stop talking to you altogether. She hated you.”
My neck flinches back. “She hated me? She doesn’t even know me,” I scoff.
He continues looking down as his true admittance fully sinks in.
“Wait, you stopped talking to me because she threatened to withhold sex from you, and you obeyed? You put sex before me? Am I that low on the chain that it was easy for you to make that decision?” I blurt angrily, the previous jagged wound cracking open inside of me.
“I know, Char. I’m really, really sorry,” he says, finally meeting my gaze again.
“Is sex reallythatgood that you were willing to throw our friendship away? I mean I know it feels good to get off, but like—" I stop speaking, horrified I may have revealed too much.
A spark of excitement surfaces in his beautiful brown eyes, a grin cracking wide on his face.
“Oh, yeah?” he asks with a ferocious smile that lights my blood on fire. It’s a dominant, interested look that brags that it enjoys the thought of me in that state of pleasure.
“No, I mean…” Words elude me, tightening that tight rope of tension rebuilding between us. Standing to get away from the uncomfortable situation I’ve created, I lean on my door, settling my hands behind me as a cushion. Then I notice the comforter still on the bed next to him.
Crap.
My cheeks heat, knowing I’m completely exposed underneath my shirt.
This type of vulnerability is new territory with him. I mean, sure I’ve been vulnerable with him in other ways, like when I’d cry or when I’d get hurt and he’d come help me feel better by giving me a hug or coming to my rescue, but nothing ever resembling a sexual vulnerability.
Ben slowly stands up, the corners of his mouth turned upwards just enough to show amusement. My heart instantly beats faster with each step toward me, his motorcycle boots echoing quietly on the hardwood of my bedroom floor.
His eyes flash in a way that makes my knees weak. I flatten against the door, attempting to melt into it. My nerves go wild at the intimidating way he approaches me—in that calm stalking manner.
What’s he planning to do? Why’s he coming near me in an almost predatory way?
I look away, unable to maintain eye contact for fear my heart will beat out of my chest if I hold his stare any longer. His hand meets the door and glides down the wood to land right beside my ear. He shoves his otherhand in his motorcycle pants pocket, taking a firm but relaxed stance, pinning me to the door but with room to move if I want to escape.
“You sound breathless,” he whispers, his hot breath tickling my face.
The tension suffocates me, taking away my ability to speak. The way he’s watching me, with his smoldering intensity, makes my thighs clench together. We’re an inch from being chest to chest. I study him deeply, trying to read what’s happening between us as I bounce from his left eye to his right. His lips draw my attention next, parting slightly. He catches his breath, and I notice him focusing on my mouth. A slow drag of his tongue wets his bottom lip and lingers there for a split second before going back in his mouth.
I’m drenched between my thighs, the unbearable urge screams through my body, daring me to taste him, to pull him into me and press my lips on his. I push my backside into the door harder, holding myself back.
He smirks like he knows why I moved. I swear he can read my mind.
