‘What about when you finally meet someone you want to settle down with?’ She meant it teasingly, trying to imagine that time, and the difference it might make to Isla and Rory when he was no longer quite so available. But she couldn’t hold him back and keep him close in her family forever. What she and Ewan had shared, the life they had built together, had been solid and real, and she wanted the same for Raf. But this time a different ending, a longer life. So she would wish him well and cheer him on; there would be no other choice.
‘Because one day it will happen and the three of us can’t be tagging along like left luggage.’
‘Hey.’ He gripped her shoulders, his unwavering gaze fixed to hers. ‘I’ll always look out for you, and if anyone does come along, they’ll have to accept you’re part of my life.’
Her nod was a quick one. It occurred to her he hadn’t mentioned the children, and it was as though she was seeing him for the very first time. How had she missed those golden flecks in his irises, perfectly framed by long, dark lashes. Had his chest against hers always felt like this when he’d held her before, or her skin heated in quite the way it was doing now?
An impulsive rush of desire landed like a punch in her stomach, and she went to step back. To free herself from his embrace and the way he was suddenly looking at her. As though he, too, was seeing straight through to her innermost thoughts and the new longing her body was betraying in the pink cheeks and the catch in her breath. His hands on her shoulders tightened almost imperceptibly, keeping her close as his gaze searched hers, and she gasped as she realised he felt it, too.
A moment and then another flew by as she fought to make herself walk away, free herself from this madness. Then his hand dropped to the small of her back and Cassie was lost when Raf pulled her hard into him. She tilted her head, poised, every single sense alive to his touch, his fingers splayed on her hot skin as she watched his eyes and then his mouth fall lower. Their kiss should have felt strange, and it didn’t. It was like coming home, and she was kissing him back just as fiercely. Her lips parted beneath his as she gave herself up to the sensations he was igniting as his tongue continued the work his lips had begun.
Her hands found their way into his hair to hold him, her thin cotton dress as light a barrier as the T-shirt he wore. One hand was on her face, the other still pressing her against every hard outline of his body. She let go long enough to reach for his T-shirt, impatient to feel his bare skin against hers, to savour again the view she’d had this morning. He helped her drag it over his head, and when his hands reached for her dress, about to slip the straps from her shoulders, she froze.
She leapt back in horror, her mind at odds with her body still clamouring for more. Raf was staring at her with an intensity and a desire she’d never seen before, and he raked a hand through his hair. She was desperate to look at anything other than him, to think of anything but how he had made her feel for those few brief moments.
‘Raf, this is crazy! We can’t,’ she blurted out. She spun around and gripped the railings with both hands to steady her trembling legs, pupils still wide with shock and desire. ‘I’m sorry, I have no idea what just happened. I can’t… Ewan… It’s not right.’
She let go and turned to the house. She needed to escape, indoors, into the night, home, it didn’t matter where as long as she could flee from Raf and what they had done. He scooped his T-shirt from the deck and gently caught her hand, stilling her.
‘Cassie, please, don’t go. I’m really sorry, I didn’t see that coming, I swear.’ His breathing was every bit as agitated as hers and she couldn’t look at him, couldn’t find his eyes and learn what was in them now. ‘But all day, I sensed it. There was something, and that felt… You were… incredible.’
‘Don’t say that!’ Cassie tugged her hand free, distraught at the thought of her children witnessing this, a cold horror dawning at her betrayal of their dad. ‘Forget it. It never happened.’
‘We have to sort this out,’ he said helplessly. ‘Where we go from here.’
At the door she faced him, still trembling, with lips swollen by their kiss, and skin pink and tender from his beard. She ran her fingers across her mouth, as though she could swipe away the kiss along with her guilt. She saw him watching and heat pooled in her body again, betraying her a second time in the scratch of her hollow voice.
‘There is nowhere for us to go,’ she whispered tearfully. ‘I should never have let it happen. It’s madness. You’re my friend, and my children need you. I can’t let anything get in the way of that. And you’re Ewan’s best friend. How do you think I feel about cheating on him with you?’
‘It’s not cheating,’ Raf said roughly, the T-shirt still dangling from one hand. ‘You’re not…’
‘Don’t say it.’ She flung an arm in the air, hand flat in front of him. ‘In my heart I’m still married, and that won’t ever change.’
Chapter Seven
Galloway, Present Day
Raf’s arms were around his bent knees, and Cassie’s eyes were automatically pulled to his. She saw it at once, the memory of their kiss as his hungry stare drank her in, desire flooding her body. He’d seen her like this so many times before. But not since that night. Not since he’d taken her in his arms to comfort her and they’d felt something so different in those few moments, had ignited something which refused to burn out.
‘When did you arrive?’ She crossed her arms. She couldn’t think what else to do with them, facing him like this just a metre apart.
‘Ten minutes ago. Traffic wasn’t great.’ He looked past her, shuttering the recollection from his gaze.
‘And you came straight down here?’ Of course he had; they always did.
‘Yeah. One last time. I haven’t been to the house yet. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb you. You were already in the water, and I thought you’d leave without seeing me.’
She always noticed him now; she simply couldn’t not. Since their stilted goodbye in Hartfell earlier, he’d changed into ripped jeans and a white T-shirt, emphasising suntanned skin and the short, newly grey and brown hair that looked so good on him.
‘Are you planning to swim?’ Her pulse flared some more at the thought of him undressing and wading into the water.
‘Maybe.’ Raf stood in one fluid movement and removed his T-shirt. He held it out, the deep timbre of his voice skating across her skin, so different when they were alone. ‘Take it. Don’t want you to get cold.’
There was absolutely no danger of that. Cassie felt almost branded after the intensity of that stare a few moments ago.
‘There’s no need, Raf, really…’ He tossed the T-shirt, and she automatically caught it, tugging it awkwardly over her head. It was impossible now to avoid his bare chest and the tattoo she loved, the kneeling warrior offering his sword before an angel. ‘I should probably head back anyway.’
‘Don’t leave because of me. Please.’ He sat down again, and she hesitated before inching towards him, his still-warm T-shirt brushing her thighs. He shuffled up to make room and she settled nearby, desperate not to touch him.
