Chapter Twelve
ThedoortoJerah'sstudywasclosedwhenFlorianarrived,andhehesitatedbeforeitforalongmoment,tryingtoplayouttheconversationthattheyweresuretohaveinhishead.Hewasnervous,andJerahhadseemed...flustered,almostirritated.Therewasnotellinghowthingsmightgo,butitwouldlikelybeaconfrontationallthesame.Sohetookasdeepabreathashecouldmanage,tryingtosteadyhisnerves,andpushedthedooropentostepinside.
Jerah was sitting at his desk, a book open next to him, but a clearly distracted look on his face. He glanced up at the door as Florian arrived, but his eyes flickered back down to his desk without saying anything. Florian closed the door behind him, still standing in the entrance, and neither of them spoke for what felt like forever. Finally, Jerah cleared his throat.
“Florian, I…” he started, only to trail off with a grimace. It took a moment before he started again. “Iamsorry, Florian. I'm sorry it took so long to tell you. I should have mentioned this with everything else about the past, and I'm sorry I was too afraid to do it. I was in the wrong. I admit that.”
Florian pressed his lips together in a tight line. Still he had no idea what to say, so instead he took a few stiff steps forward to sit across from Jerah at the table. His father glanced up again, that same miserable expression on his face; and for all the sympathy it sparked in Florian, his lingering frustration nevertheless drowned it out.
“I told you before, I still don't know if I made the right decisions back then,” Jerah sighed, shaking his head. “But I promise you, Florian, I truly was doing my best to keep you safe. Maybe my best wasn't very good then. But I truly believe I was... I hoped I was doing the right thing. I don't mean to make excuses, really, I don't. I just... I hope maybe one day you can understand. That's all.”
“I know,” Florian muttered, tears suddenly burning in his eyes. He wiped them away in frustration. “I... Growing up, I spent so much time wondering where you were, if you even remembered me. And now all this... It's like you did forget me, like everyone forgot me.”
“I didn't forget,” Jerah said.
“I know you didn't,” Florian interrupted. “I know. But it still feels that way. And, shit, even if you remembered, no one else knows me. And now I have to tell people who think I'm dead—surprise, I'm alive, but also not the fucking princess they expected?”
“You're right,” Jerah replied, his voice faint. “Of course you're right. All I thought about was how hard it was for me. I never stopped to think how much harder it's made things for you, and I'm sorry. Truly, Florian, I am.”
“I know!” Florian exclaimed, shaking his head. “I know you are. It doesn't make me feel any better.”
Jerah didn't seem to have an answer to that, so they remained in silence for a long while; the quiet only interrupted by a few soft sniffles as Florian wiped his eyes again.
Then he laughed—weakly, once—and shook his head as a thought occurred to him.
“You know,” he said, as Jerah looked over at him hopefully. “I never really fought with Uncle August at all, but my friends would tell me about fighting with their parents in high school or whatever, and I used to almost be jealous because I didn't have any parents to fight with. Isn't that ridiculous?” He laughed again. “Well, I guess I can say I've fought with my dad now.”
Jerah's expression softened, a weak smile spreading across his face, and he nodded. Reaching across the table, he laid his hand on Florian's shoulder, patting it a few times and giving it a hard squeeze, before pulling away.
“Why don't we skip our lesson for today?” he said, glancing over the books on the table. “Want to take a walk around the castle instead? If you want, I can start introducing you to some of the workers, so it's less of a big deal during the feast.”
Florian hesitated, then nodded. “Yeah,” he said. “That sounds nice.”
It wasn't until a soft knock rapped on his door late in the afternoon that Florian realized in a panic that he'd completely forgotten about his training with Kade.
“Florian?” Kade's voice came from the other side of the door, and Florian winced, mentally kicking himself as he jumped up to answer. “Are you there?”
“Yes!” he exclaimed, flinging the door open. “I'm so sorry, I completely forgot. I…” He trailed off at the sight of Kade standing awkwardly in front of the door—his usually stoic face pinched in a nervous expression. “What's wrong?’
“I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I figured you were with Jerah longer than you expected, but…” Kade answered, before trailing off as well. After a moment he cleared his throat. “I, um, I brought you something.”
“Oh,” Florian replied, blinking in surprise. Kade met his gaze for just a second, before fixing his eyes on a point on the wall behind him.
“Can I come in?” Kade asked. Florian nodded, stepping aside so the bigger man could walk through the doorway. When they were both in Florian's room, the closed door behind them, Kade lifted one arm from behind his back and presented Florian with a flower. It was a single, thin stalk that branched into a bunch of tiny blooms at the end: a cluster of small white petals tipped with a deep purple.
Florian blushed so hard that he very well might burst into flame, but he managed to reach out and take it.
“It's one of the rarer flowers in the garden,” Kade explained as Florian took it from his hand. “It’s called a midnight princess. It only blooms for a few days at a time... I wanted to make sure you got to see it before we left.”
“Thank you,” Florian answered breathlessly, turning it slowly in his fingers to look at the tiny petals from all angles. “I think I saw it in the garden when my dad and I were walking. I didn't know it would die so soon.”
Kade nodded, his gaze fixed on the flower as Florian examined it. “How did... that go?”
Florian sighed, pursing his lips before speaking.
“It went okay, I guess,” he sighed. “I mean, he apologized, so... I don't know. I'm still kind of mad if I think about it, but it's not like there's anything that can be done at this point. It's in the past.”
“Yes,” Kade agreed simply. He seemed to be thinking over what he might say, and they stood in silence for a long time, as Florian slowly twirled the flower back and forth along his forefinger with his thumb. Finally Kade's bigger hand came up to lightly touch his, stilling the movement. “May I?” he asked, and Florian nodded. Before Florian realized what the other man was doing, Kade had pushed a bit of his hair away from his face and tucked the flower behind his ear, so the burst of blooms brushed along his temple and forehead.
