Edmund moved about his house with a brooding look. He adopted a friendly expression whenever he was around his guests, but as soon as he was alone again, that mask dropped, and he looked sullen. The sooner he was done with these promenades and away from this place, the better, he thought. Soon enough, he would work on finding Lydia a husband, and then he could be away from here, trekking through darkest Africa and seizing the life he had always wanted.
Rose would be so far away he would probably never think of her again.
At least, that’s what he told himself.
He decided that he would keep as much distance between them as possible, not wanting to fall into the trap of her allure again. He began the night by greeting her and her parents, but then made excuses to speak with other people.
“You promised me a dance,” Clara said, tugging at his jacket. Edmund grinned and led her to the dance floor. He spun her around playfully, and she smiled.
“Have you enjoyed the party, Clara?”
“Some of it, although I wish I did not have a bedtime. I am tired of being a child.”
Edmund smiled wistfully. “Do not grow up too fast, Clara. You can never get these days back again,” he said. Clara gave him an uncertain look, but that was the curse of youth. It never accepted the wisdom of the elders.
Clara wanted another dance, but Edmund caught Mary glaring at him. She marched toward him and took Clara’s hand away, telling her to go and dance with Alfred. Clara looked despondent, but did as her mother instructed.
“Cousin, it has been a while since we danced together,” Edmund said.
“I believe it was my wedding. But I have not come here to dance. I have come here to talk.”
“And I am sure I know what this is about.”
“How could you do this? How could you even contemplate leaving?”
“You know it has always been my ambition.”
“Ambitions change, Edmund. That was the dream of a boy, but you are a man, and you have responsibilities.”
“I have fulfilled my responsibilities, and once Lydia is married, I will no longer have to take care of my sisters. I shall be free to live the life I want.”
“Is that all that matters to you, freedom?”
“That is all there is.”
Mary scoffed at him.
“You know nothing of the term. You have always danced around life, Edmund, never embracing it. I have been a wife and a widow. I have known loss, motherhood, and now true happiness with Alfred. Do you think you will find what you need on another continent?”
“I know if I don’t leave, I shall always experience a sense of resentment. I will not be gone forever.”
“I cannot believe you, Edmund. How you could do this to Charlotte and Lydia… to the family. Even to Rose. I have always defended you to people, but now you are proving yourself to be a rake in every sense of the word, and a few worse things beside. I will keep your secret from Charlotte and Lydia because it is not mine to tell, but you are wrong in wanting this, and I hope you come to your senses.”
The song ended. Mary had said her piece and then curtsied, parting from the dance floor. Edmund wasn’t in the mood for dancing and fetched a drink. His mind was clouded with gloom, and the champagne was not having its desired effect.
“Something is troubling you, my boy. Talk to your grandmother,” Agatha said, sidling up to him.
“It’s nothing,” Edmund denied.
“I saw that Mary was getting animated, and Alfred hasn’t been himself either. And there is something about you… What is it? I know you all think I lost my marbles years ago, but I keep a close eye on things. There is something you’re keeping to yourself.”
“Mary and I were just speaking of childhood memories. Tell me, Grandmother. Do you have any regrets?”
“Oh, more than I can count, but that is always going to be the way with life. We can never accomplish everything we want. We have to make compromises along the way, and hope that in the end the scales are balanced in favor of our happiness.”
“Mother and Father always seemed to get the balance right. They were parents and they still performed their research. They had everything they wanted. Why should the rest of us be beholden to responsibilities when they never had to be so strict?”
Agatha then said something that Edmund did not expect to hear. She adopted a grave expression and gently touched his arm.
