The people at the table across the aisle are watching us. I’m beyond caring at this point.
“This isn’t something that can be fixed,” I say. Georgia peers at me through her tears. “I’ve fucked up in too many ways. It can’t be undone and . . . we can’t go forward as we are, knowing what we know.”
She picks up her mug of hot choccy. It’s probably cold now, but in standard Georgia fashion she demallows my drink and adds them to hers. On the other bank of the river, there’s a young family feeding bread to the swans. It’s attracted a whole flock of ducks and a couple of stray geese to join the frenzy.
“You’re going to think I’m such a fucking idiot, but I want to give us another try,” she says eventually.
I open my mouth to respond, perhaps to tell her I don’t think she’s an idiot, but she cuts me off.
“I know we aren’t going anywhere, but I love you. And I know . . .” she says, raising her voice so I’m aware I can’t interrupt. “I know you can’t give him up. I know you’ve tried and failed, and honestly, maybe I’m not asking you to give him up. You’re addicted to him—”
“I—”
“No,” she says, holding up her pointer finger. “You don’t get to talk right now, or make decisions. You make terrible, crappy decisions. You’ve held the monopoly on crappy decision making for over a year, so maybe it’s my turn to make them?”
I nod.
“He gives you something I can’t, and I’m not just talking about dick because dick is plentiful. Anyone can give you good dick, including me. I work out, I’ve got great stamina. Anyway, that’s not the point. What I’m saying is that Ishouldbreak up with you, but I’m not sure that’s what I want right now. I need to think about it. I’m graduating in a couple of months, and I have no idea what I want to do after that. Whether I want to get a job, or go travelling. I’d love to go travelling, but . . .” She waves her hands as though dispersing the divergent thought bubbles. “I haven’t said anything to Megs yet.”
I don’t mean to, but I visibly react. My shoulders drop and a heavy breath is released. I might not have ruined my friend’s relationship yet.
“Can we just pretend, at least for a little while until I figure everything out, that things are as they were before I knew?”
“Whatever you want to do.” I hold my hand palm up on the table, and she slots hers on top of mine. “Like you’ve said, I’m the CEO of crappy decisions. I shouldn’t be allowed to decide shit any more.”
“Megs is going to Kent for a couple of weeks, so I’m gonna stay with my mum while I think about stuff. I just don’t want to be by myself right now.”
“Okay,” I say.
“Don’t say anything to Finn. Don’t tell him I know. Not yet, anyway.”
“Okay,” I say again. “Can I ask, and you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but how did you . . . find out?”
She actually smiles. “I hacked into your phone. I figured out your lock pin. One, seven, oh, one. You’re such a nerd. And when you were getting a massage last month, I went through Fern’s WhatsApps.”
“Oh, fuck.”
Now she’s laughing. “Oh, fuck, indeed.” Her smile drops, but doesn’t fade completely. “I read this thing on Threads once that people who have penises experience orgasms that are kinda comparatively similar to sneezes, like there’s a building pressure, and then a sudden burst of release.”
I glance across the path at the other table, but its occupants have left and only empty mugs and fluttering napkins litter the tabletop.
Georgia keeps talking. “I kept thinking to myself, why the fuck would he jeopardise everything we have for a fucking sneeze, but then I read your messages, and . . . I’m not saying I forgive you, but . . . I get it. Okay?”
I’ve got the sudden urge to trawl through the entire thread of texts from Eggo to see if I notice whatever it is Georgia seems to have noticed.
“So you saw all of Eggo’s dick pics, then?” I ask instead.
In answer to my question, she raises a brow. “I didn’t watch any of the videos, though.”
“I’m sorry,” I say, apologising not just for the photos and messages, but for everything.
“Me too.” She pushes to her feet. “I’m going to go now. I’m trying to get better at sticking to my boundaries. I’ll text you in a couple of days once I’ve had more time to consider things. I haven’t paid for the drinks yet, but I didn’t think you’d mind.”
“Of course,” I say.
I watch her walk away. She checks back over her shoulder twice before disappearing out of view. I push my now cold choccy aside and order a pot of tea, and I spend the nextfew hours scrolling through my messages and overanalysing anything and everything Finn Eggington has ever sent me. I skim over my replies—I don’t need to read all the cringe things I’ve said to him—and focus all my attention on his messages.
A Selection of Texts from "Fern"
