My breath is stuck in my throat and I sit absolutely motionless, frozen by his words. I open my mouth to respond when an alarm goes off on my phone, jolting me out of the moment. I pull it from my coat pocket and realize I have to leave within the next five minutes in order to make it to the library for my tutoring session.
“I’m sorry,” I say looking up at Dominic’s face, who looks as if I just ran over his puppy. I move to stand, turning to grab my coat when his hand rests gently on my arm, pausing me.
“Wait, Hoot. Just, if there’s more, if you feel for me what I think you feel for me, please meet me again. I know this is a lot to unpack on you but if you’re willing, come back here Saturday night at nine. I will show you just how invested I am.”
I give a quick nod, more so in confirmation that I heard him than in agreement to see him again. The nickname he’d given me all those weeks ago and the pleading tone in his voice tug at my heartstrings. Before I say something stupid, I rush out of Biblio & Brew, indecision roiling in my gut and my heart fluttering in my chest like a lost hummingbird. I expected him to apologize for his outburst, sure, but to confess his feelings for me?
As I drive across campus towards the library my stomach churns with a mix of emotions. I feel blindsided by his confession, a sense of ease at being able to sit down and be near him, and…elation at what he confessed? I don’t have the bandwidth to think further on what I feel or try to sort them all out right now. I park my car outside the library, watching as tiny droplets begin to hit the windshield. I place bets on which droplet will reach the bottom of the glass first, trying to clear my head for tutoring. No matter how many droplets speed their way down my window, my thoughts hover over the same indecision. What am I going to do? I have two minutes before I need to go inside and I can’t get Dominic out of my head. I let my forehead fall onto my steering wheel, blaring the horn on my car. How the hell am I going to get through this tutoring session?
TWENTY-SEVEN
Galão
Celeste
My hands shakea little as I run them over my black velvet dress. It’s a mock turtleneck dress fitted with long sleeves to keep warm in the brisk winter-like evening. As I look in my full-length mirror in my room, I take note of the hemline hitting mid-thigh and the tight velvet that hugs every curve. It’s sexy but holds something back. Maybe that’s why I picked it. I want Dominic. My body’s reactivity to him has made that abundantly clear, but there’s this small kernel of doubt I can’t shake loose. Dominic isn’t the pour-your-heart-out kind of guy. He’s sarcastic, pushes my buttons at every opportunity, and makes me feel more like myself than I have in a long time. More than just a medical research hopeful. More than a support system for my mom. More than a damsel in distress. I’m just his friend Celeste, and that’s okay.
He wants more though. If I’m finally being honest with myself, I know I do too. But I’m scared. Scared that all the other things in my life other than just me,will be too much for him. SoThe Listis bullshit. Sure. But it wasn’t all wrong. My intention was never to create a fictional man that no real boyfriend could live up to. I just wanted standards. I wanted better than what my mom had in a partner.
I don’t think anyone could argue against that point but I see where I went wrong. Maybe the way I approached this was too clinical, using my head instead of my heart. Dominic was right in front of me this whole time and I dismissed him like a controlled variable. When really, as soon as we met, the whole experiment should have gone out the window. My feelings have been there too, whether I shoved them down deep into a crevice in the back of my mind or not, they’ve been there. Tonight, I will finally tell him. One final moment of honesty.
I fix my ponytail one more time, letting a few front pieces curl delicately against my neck. I’m nervous. Obviously. I turn from the mirror, wanting to get this frenetic energy out of my body somehow and frustrated at my lack of movement. I almost trip making my way down the stairs. Mom looks up from her typical cozy spot on her chair, playing Scrabble with herself.
“Mom, I’m not leaving for good. I can play when I get home.” I chuckle.
She raises an eyebrow at me. “Oh? You’ll be back home tonight after your date with Dominic?” She poses it as a question but her tone is slightly sarcastic making me wary of what she’s implying.
“Should I not come back home?” I ask incredulously.
“Honey.” She leans forward as if letting me in on a secret. “This is your big we-both-love-each-other-grand-gesture-fireworks moment. Let the romance be romantic.” She leans back and grabs a book off the coffee table and begins skimmingas I’m left reeling. “Besides, you’re two consenting adults and oneof you has their own apartment,” she adds without looking up from her book.
“Mother!” I yell, not sure if I should laugh or chastise her. “Are you …no, never mind I don’t want to continue this conversation. I’ll let you know when I’ll be home later. I don’t even know what we’re doing, probably just grabbing coffee or some ice cream,” I say dismissively, snagging my purse and throwing on low wedge boots.
“Pretty sexy outfit for ice cream!” I hear my mom call out just as I close the front door behind me.
I make it to Biblio & Brew in record time, my anxiety having taken the wheel. I click the lock button for my car and turn towards where it all began. It looks closed…? I notice all the lights are off inside and the front door has a closed sign flicked on, but when I pull the handle, the door swings open for me.
“Peggy?” I call out half-heartedly into the silent cafe bookstore. The coffee counter towards the back of the space is shrouded in darkness and I can’t make out Dominic in any of the spaces around the book stacks.
“Dominic?!” I call, a little hysteria creeping into my voice.
This is the start of a horror movie.
I briefly think about turning tail and running for my life to my car when I hear Dominic call out.
“Can’t you see in the dark, Hoot? Literally all owls have good night vision.”
I roll my eyes but chuckle despite myself as I make my way towards his voice, somewhere near the coffee bar but perhaps around the corner. A snarky retort is on the tip of my tongue when I turn the corner and freeze, the smile dropping from my face and replaced by my jaw hanging onto the floor. Or it would if there was any room.
All around me are candles, strewn across the floor, carefully resting on the bookshelves, and adorning a beautifully decorated table set for two. Dominic is there, leaning against the bookshelf beside the table, his tall figure framed in the soft glow. I still can’t move from my shock and appreciation of this gesture. He moves before I do, slowly making his way to where I stand, my feet cemented to the spot.
A small smile curves his lips as he comes to stand in front of me. With his body this close I tilt my head to look up at his face.
“You look beautiful, Celeste.” His voice comes out gravely as he looks at me like I’m an oasis in a desert. I have to look away, the intensity of his stare too much.
“Thank you, it’s just a dress,” I mumble, biting my lip to stop from anxiously word-vomiting all over him.
His soft smile turns feral, devilish. “My favourite colour. Which I appreciate, but I wasn’t talking about the dress.”
