Erica put her hands behind her on the rug. “I know you need alittle tenderness, but I’m not going to let you fall apart. You were there for me during my divorce. You told me I’d find someone better. I said you were crazy. Then you shook your finger at me and replied, ‘He’s holding you back, Erica. You could be so much more.’ I’ll never forget those words. Now it’s time you take your own words to heart. Take his money, take his son, and get out of here. Go chase your dream.”
Even the idea exhausted me. “Where would we go?”
She raised her voice again. “Anywhere with bed-and-breakfasts. Or someplace where one is needed. Last time I checked, that’s every inhabited place on earth.”
I took a long breath. “My real dream is to raise my beautiful son with my husband. My dream is to be a homemaker and a good wife. My dream is to be the most supportive partner of all time. I don’t need to go somewhere else to chase my dreams.” I hammered my clinched fist through the air. “My dream is right here. I just have to swallow my pride and forgive him. Why should my whole life be turned upside down? I didn’t do anything wrong!”
Her eyes widened. “You can have all that with a new man—a trustworthy man—and you can have the life Rory never let you have. And, you might not believe it right now, but it’s possible that you can have a new life without another man.” She wagged her finger at me. “You know what this is? This is you on the Dream Killer’s leash. He’s taken your heart and soul. Damn it, Margot. Break free of this man. If you let him talk his way out of this and take him back, will you ever really be able to trust him? You didn’t know what was going on before. Will you trust that it won’t happen again? And, even if it doesn’t, will you believe in your heart of hearts that it’s not going on? Every time Rory is out of your sight, will you wonder if he’s with someone else? Think about it. You’ll always wonder.”
I was losing my patience. “I see nothing wrong with at leastconsidering standing by him. He was thinking with his penis. He isn’t the first. It was a mistake, and it happens all the time. I can’t let the fact that it happened so publicly make it a bigger deal than it is. A strong marriage means standing by your partner no matter what. Fighting through the hard times until you’re both sitting in rocking chairs in some nursing home holding hands. That is my dream.”
Erica wasn’t going to let me off the hook. She drilled me with, “Sticking together doesn’t mean accepting deliberate and unwarranted betrayal and possibly leaving the door wide open to a repeat performance.” Then, using my own words against me, she repeated what I’d told her during her troubling times, whispering as if resting her case, “He’s holding you back. You could be so much more.”
I put my hands over my face and rubbed my eyes. “Having a child changes things. It’s not about me anymore.”
“You couldn’t be more wrong, my friend. You need to show Jasper what a strong person looks like. Don’t teach him to compromise; teach him to live to the fullest. You can’t believe Jasper would want you to sacrifice your happiness for him. Think about it.”
I hammered my fist down onto my thigh. “Stop. Please. Just stop. Not everything is black and white.”
Erica raised her hands in the air in surrender.
11
FATHER AND SON
By the time Erica left, I was lost in confusion. I had hoped she would come to comfort me, but it felt more like she’d arrived with an agenda. I understood her point, though. She was right to speak her mind. I did the same thing to her during the end of her first marriage. Sometimes best friends aren’t there to cheer you up, they’re there to prop you up.
Still, Erica didn’t understand my particular situation, and she didn’t understand Rory either. Regrettably, I’d told her over the years all the bad things about Rory, and we’d made fun of him. I’d fueled her opinions of him. But I hadn’t told her enough about the good parts of him. Now, I wished I had.
When Jasper finally arrived, as Philippe barked at the door, I tried to wipe the sadness from my eyes. I’d already showered and changed and applied plenty of makeup. Still, there was no amount of makeup that could cover up the pain. The moment I wrapped my arms around my son, I knew we were forming an even stronger bond. No matter what happened going forward, whether we stayed or left, it was now and forever Jasper and Mom against the world.
Jasper stood in the foyer looking at me through his thick-framed glasses. Though he had grown up so much, it was hard for me not to see the young boy who used to beg to visit the playground. He wasn’t that boy anymore, though. In only a couple of years, he’d be living on his own. As always, he dressed well and very much looked like a budding musician with his shaggy hair, brown corduroy pants, and green cardigan. He happily embraced the eccentric side of being an artist.
I hugged him again, feeling unending love for this boy who had grown up to be so wonderful despite the genetic poison Rory had brought to the equation. “You know we’re going to be all right, don’t you? It’s just a bump in the road.”
“Stop it, Mom.” He deflected my protective instincts and turned his love toward me. He looked at me and held my face in his hands. “You don’t need to protect me.” He looked deep into my eyes. “Tell me. How are you?”
I scrunched my brow in shock. “How am I? How areyou?”
“I’m fine. I’m more worried about you than anything else.”
I nodded. “I’m glad you’re home, honey.” I refused to cry in front of him and tensed my muscles to suppress the sadness.
We searched each other’s eyes for answers.
In the kitchen, while I prepared him a veggie sandwich, we talked about his time in Texas. After putting extra care into his sandwich, I placed the plate in front of him, and he ate hungrily.
In between bites, he asked, “Where is he?” Obviously referring to his dad.
I stood on the other end of the island, resting my hands on the granite. “At his office trying to figure out his next moves. He’s coming home soon to talk to you.”
Jasper set down his sandwich. “I don’t want to see him.”
“I know.” I nodded. “But the three of us need to talk. I know it’s not fair, but with all this press around, we need to meet as a familyand figure out what to do. We can’t hide in this house forever. We have people who care about us. We all need to talk.”
He returned to his sandwich. I sat on the stool next to him. At least we were together.
“Do your friends know?” I asked.
