“Right, let’s unpack that little speech of yours, shall we?”
He phrased it as a question, but it clearly wasn’t.
“Yes, most places have a mix of genders to deal with because there are a lot of very good female Riders as well as male ones. I’m not sure why none ever get posted to Unkea, but that is above my pay grade and I don’t care, anyway. Frankly, the girls I grew up with were terrifying. I’d rather deal with a rabid dragon than them. And they all joined the infantry. Two of them have risen in the ranks to become the scourge of the territory.” He shivered and drank again. “But they are not the reason I am the way I am. I’ve always been gay. And I always knew it. Even as a little kid, I just knew. I’ve never been ashamed of it, and I won’t let you make me so.”
“That wasn’t what I was trying to do.” It sounded weak even to me, because there was a part of me that might have been.
“Irrelevant. Next point, he is getting a broad education. When he started asking questions, I answered, and we had a frank discussion. Frankly he told me things I didn’t know about women because I’ve never been with one. You have and you’ve already had that talk with him. And I got the impression it wasn’t half as excruciating as the one I had with my dad.” He looked away, through the years. Shuddered. Took another sip from his flask.
“I just don’t feel like I’m doing enough. There are things boys learn from their mothers that I don’t have the first idea how to teach. Not even sure I knowwhatto teach.”
“Ah, the mysteries of the divine feminine.” He was laughing at me, I was sure. “Look, to be honest, I suspect he’s getting help from Salvadora in the matter of what women want, think, and feel. Though I’d rather not anthropomorphise dragons too much. So if you want to discuss mixed-gender couples, or even mixed-race couples, use Dora and Lord A for that.”
My brows shot up. “Lord A?”
“Yeah, he hates it, but he’s not here, is he?”
No, he was off-isle with Ang Shi, up to Ashland Harbour, and Ang had promised he would be returning with a surprise for us all.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
Fenwick shrugged. “Dora’s a blue, Lord A is a white. He covered her as much to exert his dominance over the other males here as anything. But the fact is, they’re different colours. And unlike us humans, different colour dragons can’t breed. They’ll be no egg, no little dragon.” He smiled, a softer, far-away look covering his features. “Can you imagine how cute it would be if they did? Pale blue with soft fur and the occasional feather.” He shook his head.
“That’s all very well,” I said. “But I don’t want Fin—”
His attention snapped back to me, and it was sharper this time. “Being unduly influenced?” Fenwick asked.
I frowned, struggling to find the words. “It’s not … Maybe it is.” I rubbed over the top of my close-cropped hair. “By the Gods, Fenwick, I don’t evenknowwhat it is.”
“What it is is that Fin’s your kid, and you want to protect him and not let him grow up too fast, even though he’s far andaway more mature than any of the other kids who have been through here were at his age?”
I looked at Fenwick, my eyebrows were up, head tilted to one side. “Is he? He still feels like a little kid to me.”
“You’re his dad. He’ll always feel like a little kid to you.”
That was probably true.
Fenwick sat more squarely. “Sullivan, there is only ever a maximum of twenty-seven men stationed here at any one time. We all remember what it was to be a kid, and believe me, we all watch out for any of the kids here, but Fin especially.”
I nodded. “Yeah, he’s got a family here like he never had before.” I smiled at that. “Twenty other dads.”
“Exactly. And we all take care of Fin in our own ways. Even Shi. He doesn’t like to show it, but he does.”
“I know he does. And I may not show it as much as I should, but I appreciate it too.” Actually, I should show it more, let Ang Shi know that I appreciated what he did.
“You know Jimny and I aren’t the only couple here, though, don’t you?”
I nodded. “But you’re the man he spends most time with. Probably more than he does with me. You’re the man he looks up to most.”
“At best I’m third in line for that one,” Fenwick laughed.
I’d think about that comment later. Running a hand over my head, I struggled to formulate what I wanted to say, because I really didn’t want to offend Fenwick. He was a friend. “I just don’t want him to see anything that would upset him or make him uncomfortable about coming down here.”
“Do you know how old I am?”
Tricky question, trickier to find an answer. I knew he was a little older than me, but not by much, so I guessed. “Early to mid-forties?”
“Forty-nine,” he said. “And Jimny just turned thirty. To a certain extent, he’s a kid to me. I don’t know where it’s going to go with him. Don’t know if it’s going to last, or if he’ll get posted away and I’ll never see him again. So I’m enjoying what time I have while he’s here. What I’m not doing, and will never do, is enjoy him in public spaces. We’ve agreed not to even kiss in front of others unless it’s people we know are okay with it. I don’t care to make a huge spectacle of my affections. We keep anything that private behind closed doors. I mean, have you ever seen us kiss? Or even hold hands?”
