She sets the bottle down on the boards and her eyes well up. She's laughing at the same time, wiping away her tears. "I believe you," she says. "And I'm crazy about you too. I don't want you to leave."
She leans in and kisses me, slow and certain. I cup her face, close my eyes, and let myself sink into it, tasting her salty tears on her lips. With everything bad happening, she's choosing me anyway, and I believe her too. My eyes sting and the tears come, sliding down my face and meeting hers between us.
When she pulls back she rests her forehead against mine. "I didn't think this was possible today," she says. "But I actually feel a little better."
66
MAGGIE
"— a
nd I want you to know, I didn't watch it," Mom says, setting her coffee down on my kitchen table. "I want that on the record. Whatever else we say to each other, your mother did not watch it."
"There was nothing to watch, Mom." I'm at the counter with my back half to her, which is cowardly, but I can't have this conversation looking directly at her. "It was the ceiling. The phone was lying flat."
"Well, that's something, I suppose."
"It was just —" I close my eyes. The word arrives and I can't stop it. "It was just sound."
"All right," she says, when I've recovered enough to turn around. "Well, people will forget about it. They always do and by Christmas it'll be a funny story." She waves a hand. "But I am worried about you."
"I'm fine, Mom."
Through the window I see Sloane out in the yard with Luis, the two of them wheeling feed toward the goat shed. It was barely past nine when Mom arrived unannounced.
"You're not fine. You've gone and gotten yourself in deep with that girl, that's what's happened." Mom meets my eyes. "And don't tell me she hasn't been staying here even after her motel room was decent again. I used your upstairs bathroom the other day when Luis was in the downstairs one and there was a second toothbrush in the cup. There was also a pot of expensive-looking face cream that said it had gold dust in it. Honestly, the nonsense they put in things to make money these days. As if your face needs gold." She shakes her head. "Of course I was curious, so I tried a bit. It smelled nice."
"So you didn't just snoop. You helped yourself." Mom doesn't reply. There's no point denying anything anymore. "Yes, she's been staying here."
"And she's leaving in a few days," Mom says. "That's the part I'm worried about, honey. I can see you've let her right in."
I glance out the window again. Sloane's crouched down now, scratching one of the goats behind the ears, her face turned up to say something to Luis. "She's not leaving, Mom."
My mother goes still. "What?"
"She's staying here, with me."
"For how long?"
"We don't know yet. That's rather the point." I pull out the chair across from her and sit. "We haven't worked out the logistics, but we'll figure it out as we go. She's staying because we want to be together and while she's here she's going to help me with the animals."
"She's still volunteering." Mom frowns. "Even when she doesn't have to."
"Yes, that's the plan. For now, at least."
Mom sits back in her chair and exhales through her nose.
"Maggie. I love you, so I'm going to be honest with you. I don't think you should let yourself get your hopes up." She holds up a hand before I can speak. "I'm not being cruel. I'm beingyour mother. That woman — and I'll admit, I actually like her — will not stay in Duster. She'll get bored and —"
"Stop." It comes out harder than I've ever spoken to my mother. "Just stop. You don't know her like I do and you're wrong. I was wrong too, and I'm the one who's had a front-row seat to how wrong we all were."
"Maggie —"
"And even now," I say, my voice cracking, "after the video, after her name's been dragged everywhere for the second time, after she's been outed to the entire internet before she'd even worked out for herself what she is — she's not running. She's choosing to stay. Do you understand how rare that is? People leave, Mom. People who want a bigger life leave Duster. Sloane has that bigger life and she wants to stay. So don't tell me she's a bored rich girl with a new toy. You haven't earned that opinion."
The kitchen's silent. Out in the yard I hear Luis talking and Sloane laughing, oblivious to the fact that I've just shouted at my mother across the breakfast table.
Mom reaches across the table and puts her hand over mine.
