Despite my best efforts to sabotage this opportunity, everything is starting to fall into place, with one very large exception. Penn Kade.
I hate how we left things.
I hate the things I said.
But even more importantly, I hate the things I didn’t say.
I’ve thought about this a lot over the last few days and there’s one fact I keep coming back to—a life with Penn, no matter how complicated, is better than any life without him.
I learned that the hard way the first time around. It’s not a lesson I need to learn a second time.
I just hope it’s not too late.
Turning onto his street, I do my best not to let my nerves get the better of me. It would be so easy to turn around and forget this whole hairbrained scheme, but then I’d be accepting defeat and I’ve accepted enough of that to last me a lifetime.
Some things that were taken from me, I will never get back. It’s not a choice, it’s a fact. But when it comes to this, there’s still hope, there’s still a chance, and for me, that’s all I need. A chance. The opportunity to make things right, once and for all.
I pull into Penn’s driveway, putting the car in park even though his truck isn’t here.
I’ve come this far. I’m not leaving until I’ve had a chance to talk to him.
I’ve made a mess of everything where Penn is concerned. Seven years ago and again when I came back. For some reason, I can’t seem to get out of my own way. I keep screwing up. Butmy biggest screwup by far was leaving without telling him how I truly felt.
And that is why I’m here.
To lay it all out.
To tell him exactly what he means to me.
To love him—all of him—the baby included.
That is, if he’ll have me.
Putting the car in park, I take one last peek at myself in the rearview mirror before killing the engine.
“Well, here goes nothing.” I give myself maybe the worst pep talk of all time.
Exiting the car, I spend several long seconds staring at the exterior of his home. A modest brick ranch that sits on about an acre of wooded land, giving it a secluded cabin feel even though it isn’t a cabin.
The landscaping is immaculate—not a weed in a sight—and while the home has to be at least fifty years old or more, it looks brand new on the outside as well as on the inside.
Penn has always been a bit of a neat freak. I guess that’s why we always worked so well. Not because I’m messy, per se... No, that’s exactly what I am. A hot mess and my life usually projects the chaos going on inside. Even in his youth, Penn has always been the quiet calm. My perfect opposite.
An image pops into my head. A little boy with dark hair and hazel eyes running around the front yard, terrorizing the little girl he’s chasing. Her brown braids bouncing as she tries to escape her brother, blue eyes shining brightly in the sunlight.
The picture is so clear it almost feels real. And I quickly realize this is what I stand to lose. A life with Penn. A family. Happiness.
Because we could be happy. Despite everything... I truly believe that.
“London?” I snap out of the daydream in an instant, looking toward the garage to see Walker emerge, weed eater in hand.
“I didn’t peg you as a lawncare kind of guy.” I blurt the first thing that comes to my head.
He gives me a lopsided smile and, for a brief moment, I’m taken by how handsome he is. You can say a lot about the Kade brothers, but one thing you can never do is call any of them ugly.
“I’m usually not, but Penn offered to pay me a grand to housesit and the only stipulation was I couldn’t have any parties, and I had to mow his lawn.”
“Sounds like a pretty good deal to me. Don’t you have school, though?”
