I am seductive and I deserve this.
Unexpectedly Anna’s words pop into my head.
‘By the end of this bootcamp y’all are going to love yourselves so much that anyone else loving you is just gravy.’
Is this what she meant, because right now, I’m feeling invincible. I feel seen. I feel wanted.
Oh, sure, Nora. You get a little attention from a guy and suddenly you’re Wonder Woman? Is your self-worth so dependent on—
‘OH, SHUT UP, ME!’
This time I don’t need to wonder if I said that out loud because Anna and Brad are staring at me, along with the rest of the room who have stopped writing and now looking at me like I’ve lost my mind.
‘Are you alright?’ Will whispers.
I laugh – properly laugh, like a hyena.
‘Everything OK, Nora?’ Brad enquires. He looks so cute when he’s puzzled. I nod through my laughter. A smile creeps over Anna’s face before she claps her hands in delight.
‘I love it when this happens!’ she announces. ‘I do believe that Miss Nora over there just kicked her old, unhelpful vibration to the curb.’
Nishwhoops, which makes Will snort-giggle and I lose it again. Now everyone is sniggering.
‘Stand and share with us, Nora,’ Anna requests as I attempt to compose myself. ‘What are you feeling?’
‘It’s hard to explain,’ I say, rising to my feet. ‘I’m just done.’
‘Done? Done with what?’
‘With myself,’ I reply, wiping my tears of laughter with the sleeve of my shirt. The room goes quiet, but the empathy is palpable. Jillian nods, smiling warmly at me.
‘I’m done with keeping myself in my place,’ I explain. ‘I’m forty years old. My place is wherever the hell I decide it is.’
Nish doesn’t whoop again, but Patricia’s yell of agreement is bolstering.
‘I’m done feeling weak when I need help and I’m done being so bloody tolerant of my middling, uneventful, passionless life! I need more!’
‘Go, girl!’ Meg roars. ‘You do you, boo!’
‘But most of all, I am so,sodone with my sad heart.’ I laugh again, tickled by Meg’s enthusiasm. ‘God, I spent so long shielding my heart from false hope that I ended up giving it no hope at all! But being here has shown me that sometimes, no matter how hard you resist, there are people that you are just fated to adore. There’s no rhyme nor reason, you just feel it in your bones… even if it’s just for the briefest of moments.’
‘Yes, Nora!’ Brad yells, and begins to clap, quickly followed by others. I take a deep breath. For someone who doesn’t like drawing attention to myself, I’ve failed miserably. Maybe this is the new me?
‘Amazing!’ Anna, exclaims. ‘Thank you, Nora! Maybe this is a good time for anyone else who wants to share?’
‘I’m done stressing over my male pattern baldness!’ All eyes are off me and on to Russell, who stands up in the row in front and takes off his fedora. ‘I am a good-lookin’ dude. I can rock a shaved head.’
He leans back and high-fives me. I feel like I’ve started a Spartacus movement.
‘Well, I think you’re all fabulous!’ Meg declares. ‘And I’m done comparing myself to everyone else on Instagram. No one else looks like me, I should embrace that.’
I see Will raise his eyebrows and I just know he’s thinking EVERYONE ON INSTAGRAM LOOKS LIKE YOU. I wonder what he’s done with, if anything. Maybe me, after my little outburst. Even though everyone else seems to be happy to share, there’s no way he’ll be expressing anything publicly. That much I do know.
After Nish tells us that he’s done trying to please his parents, Allison announces that she’s done being nice to everyone. I kind of like this, despite the fact I suspect she’s rarely nice to anyone. Ashley from Group Four is crying again, Jillian decides that she’s done getting bikini waxes when no one gives a shit either way, and Anna declares it’s time for lunch.
‘Great work, everyone. Yoga at two pm. See you then.’
Despite some revelations being less life-changing than others, there’s a definite sense of camaraderie between the group; like we all just buried a body and swore to take the secret to the grave. Spirits are high and laughter fills the hall as we all exit the building.
