Page 91 of Ballrooms & Blackmail

No anger.

No judgment.

Just…understanding.

God.

That might be the worst part of this whole fucking thing.

Because she understands what it’s like to be broken. It’s just that she’s strong enough to have pieced herself together.

“But until you do,” she tells me. “I can’t do this, Thorn.”

The words are soft but they pierce through me.

“Then why are you still talking to me?” I rasp.

She’s quiet for long enough that I think she won’t answer. Then she does and it nearly breaks me. “Because I still love you.”

For one impossible second, I can’t move.

Can’t breathe.

Can barely keep my feet.

River loves me?

Fuck. That’s…wonderful, terrible…

And then she keeps talking.

And the hope growing inside me dies in an instant.

“But I can’t do this with you until you trust me enough to tell me the truth.” A breath. “About everything.”

My throat tightens. “I miss you.”

More silence.

Then she whispers, “I miss you too.”

“Little hen?—”

“Goodbye, Thorn.”

The line disconnects. I stare at the phone…then hurl it across the room.

I stand perfectly still in my office for a long time after that.

Then I move to my desk and drop my head into my hands, thinking about the past, about the few good parts, about the many, many terrible parts.

I think about the secrets.

The shame.

The truths I’ve spent years burying deep.

And I know if I want River back…