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“Ellen, I—”
A brisk knock sounded at the door, and they sprang away from each other, guilt written on both of their faces. Rose poked her head round the door. She glanced at Jed standing all the way across the room, his cheeks reddened and his eyes downcast and then turned to Ellen with brisk cheer. “I’ve a pile of handkerchiefs for you, Ellen. What with the dust and dirt of trains, I thought you could use a few more.”
Ellen turned away and brushed at her still-damp cheeks. “Thank you, Aunt Rose.”
Jed shifted uncomfortably. “I should be going.”
“Yes,” Rose agreed, her cheerfulness sounding a bit pointed now, “perhaps you should. Doesn’t Louisa arrive this evening, Jed?”
Ellen bit her lip hard to keep from revealing anything to either Jed or Aunt Rose. It was no more than she’d already known. Jed’s face flushed even redder. “Yes, I need to hitch the wagon up and meet her.”
“So you do,” Rose said briskly. “You must stop by here so we can say a proper hello. But not tonight, perhaps.” She glanced at Ellen, her expression softening. “Not tonight.”
“Another day,” Jed agreed. Ellen still could not frame a word.
“All right, then,” Rose said quietly. She left the handkerchiefs on the bed. “I shall just see to supper.” She left the room, closing the door quietly behind her, and the ensuing silence seemed suffocating to Ellen. Louisa arriving that very evening... and Jed had just held her in his arms. She didn’t know what to think. What to feel.
“Will you take a walk with me?” Jed asked suddenly, and Ellen’s heart leapt with both hope and fear.
“Don’t you need to fetch Louisa?”
“Not for a while yet.”
For a moment Ellen let herself imagine it. They would step out into a soft summer’s evening, twilight falling in a velvety cloak, and perhaps they would say and even do things in that bewitching darkness. And then Louisa would arrive.
Ellen shook her head and forced herself to meet Jed’s gaze levelly. “I don’t think so, Jed.”
He nodded slowly. “It’s just... there are things I’ve wanted to say to you, Ellen. Things I haven’t.”
/> “Then maybe they shouldn’t be said at all,” Ellen said, a catch in her voice.
Jed’s cheeks darkened in a blush. “Maybe not,” he agreed, his fingers clenching on his cap. “But... for old time’s sake, Ellen? Just one last walk?”
Ellen bit her lip. What more could Jed say, that she wanted to hear? Finally, reluctantly, she nodded. “Let me get my shawl.”
Outside the sun was sinking low in the sky, sending long, golden rays across the fields, and touching the tops of the oaks arching over Jasper Lane with bronze. They walked slowly, silently, and Ellen was assailed by bittersweet memories: the first time Jed had come to fetch her, and driven up this very lane—only because she’d insisted he do so. Dancing with him when she was just fourteen—had she been falling in love with him even then? Probably, she thought now. She’d been falling for him from the moment she’d climbed into that old wagon and he’d draped his coat over her shoulders with sullen grace. She let out a tiny sigh, and Jed glanced at her.
“What do you reckon New Mexico will be like?”
“I really couldn’t say. The photographs I’ve seen make it look near to desert.”
“Will you stay out there a while?”
“I shouldn’t think so, not too long anyway. But who knows?”
Jed shoved his hands in his pockets. “So then what will you do?” He sounded a bit surly, and Ellen glanced at him in smiling challenge.
“I’ve no idea, Jed, but it hardly matters to you.”
He turned to her suddenly, the movement sharp and quick. “Is that what you think?”
“Should I think anything else? You’re busy with your own life, Jed, and with Louisa.” She spoke firmly, determined to put things back where they needed to be. “And the life you’re going to make together.”
“Nothing’s been said yet,” he protested and she shook her head.
“Don’t be unfair to Louisa.”
“I’m not.” He let out a ragged sigh. “But aren’t we still friends, Ellen?” He gazed at her, a new yearning in his eyes that had Ellen half-swaying towards him. “Has that changed?”
