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She took a step backwards. “I should think it has, a bit,” she said quietly. She studied Jed, the surprising and even thrilling storm of emotion in his eyes, the way one hand raked through his hair, making it stand rather ridiculously on end.
“I never meant for that to happen,” he said, his head bent, his voice so low Ellen struggled to hear him. “I never meant for it all to turn out this way. I didn’t want—” He stopped, and Ellen looked down at the dusty road.
“I’m still your friend, Jed,” she said, her voice as low as his. “I always will be.”
“Even though I’m an ignorant farmer?” he said, his voice so low Ellen couldn’t tell if he was teasing or not.
“I didn’t mean that. Not a word.”
He looked up at her, his eyes glinting in the twilight. “Why did you say it, then?”
“Because... because I was jealous, I suppose.”
Jed took a step towards her, one hand outstretched. “Ellen—”
“Jealous of both of you,” she continued quickly. “Jealous of feeling that with someone. With anyone.” She took a deep breath, knowing they were skating dangerously close to things that couldn’t be unsaid. “But you love Louisa, Jed. You’ve been courting for months now.”
“I’d hardly call it courting when she’s been in Vermont.”
“Still.”
He sighed, hooking his thumbs in his suspenders. “I suppose I do.” And Ellen supposed there wasn’t a woman alive who could expect more than that from Jed Lyman. “But,” he continued quietly, “I don’t like things to change.”
Ellen tried to smile. “I look around at the motorcars and soda fountains and realize everything has changed, Jed. You can’t stop it.”
“I’m not talking about soda fountains.”
Ellen swallowed. “Then what are you talking about?” She shouldn’t ask, shouldn’t want to know. Shouldn’t want to hope, even now, and yet she did.
“Just...” Jed shrugged helplessly, and Ellen knew he was caught. Perhaps he felt something for her, perhaps even more than she’d ever hoped or feared. Perhaps he’d realized he loved her, as she had him, yet it was too late. Too late and too little, for Louisa had been invited for the summer, their engagement was already the news of the island, even though it hadn’t been officially announced. She knew it, and she could see from the desperation in his eyes that Jed knew it too.
“Don’t. Don’t say anything either one of us will regret.” Even if she desperately wanted to hear it.
“Maybe I wouldn’t regret it,” Jed whispered, and she shook her head.
“Jed, don’t—” Ellen lifted one hand, and he caught her fingers in his own. The simple touch shook her to her core, and her mouth opened soundlessly as he gently brought her fingers to his lips, his gaze steady and aching on hers.
He released her hand before they’d done more than brush his mouth, but the tiny action sent tremors straight through her, left her weak at the knees and near to shaking.
“Then I won’t say anything,” he said finally, his voice unbearably sad, and slowly he raised one hand in farewell. “Goodbye, Ellen.”
Ellen still had not found her voice as Jed turned and walked down the lane, the sun bathing his head and shoulders in the golden, fading light, his back forever to her.
EIGHT
It seemed as if half of Stella came out to bid Ellen goodbye. As she stepped into the ferry, Captain Jonah, grizzled as ever, standing with one arm on the helm, she wondered if everyone sensed what a momentous journey this was. It was the beginning, she thought, of the rest of her life.
“You will write,” Rose reminded her with a catch in her voice.
“Yes, although I might be back before my letters arrive,” Ellen replied with a little smile. “I don’t think I shall stay too long. It would be an imposition on Da.” And she really didn’t know how much, after all these years, they’d have to say to each other.
“Yes, of course...” Rose trailed off, and Ellen knew what she meant. She was asking Ellen to keep in touch, and more than that, to consider the island her home, no matter how far she went or what distant dream she pursued.
Ellen reached out to clasp Rose’s hand before settling in the little boat. “I’ll write, and more,” she promised, and Rose smiled in acceptance.
Ellen saw Lucas in the crowd at the wharf, smiling his farewell with wry sorrow. Jed and Louisa were there as well, in the back, both of their faces blank and closed although they smiled. The ache inside Ellen had lessened, just a little, and she smiled at them all.
So many dear faces, so many memories. She wanted to think of the good things now, the many good things in her life. And then she wanted to think of the future. She lifted her arm for one last wave and amidst a chorus of farewells Captain Jonah headed into the ruffled blue waters.
