“Noah, please tell me what’s going on?” Jessica asks as she watches me pace back and forth in the living room. Instead of explaining when we got home, I asked her to take a walk with me and Aspen. Which she did. It’s one of the many reasons I love her, she doesn’t push, just gives me what I need in the moment. We’ve had our fair share of disagreements, but something about this just really cut me down to the quick. Because, unintentionally, I really hurt Caleb.
I scrub my hand over my face, finally concede, and join her on the sofa.
Swallowing, I pull her into my side and kiss the top of her head.
“Caleb found a letter I wrote,” I say, nodding towards the table. Not that I need to, she’s seen me look at it multiple times. “I wrote it the night I told you about my cancer diagnosis—just in case.”
Jessica shifts to look up at me. “Oh, Noah.” Her eyes are glassy as she cups my jaw. “He didn’t take it well,” she summarises.
I shake my head. “Nope. He was livid. Part of him saw it as though I’m thinking the worst. But it’s not like that, I just?—”
“Didn’t want to risk leaving anything unsaid.” Her eyes glisten with unshed tears.
I nod and look down at this beautiful, caring woman—our wife and soul mate.
“Exactly. Things got heated, we argued, we fucked, he left.” I cringe when I say it like that.
“He probably just needed to clear his head,” she says, worrying her lip.
I instantly feel like a cunt, remembering that it was me who did the same thing not so long ago, and seeing the concern and worry reflected in Jessica makes it even worse.
“Yeah, I know this is hard for him, not being in control. His need to protect the ones he loves is rooted at his very core. I know his anger was founded in love. But you understand, as much as it hurt me to write, it was a necessary evil.”
Jessica wipes away her stray tears.
“Of course I do and deep down you know Caleb does too.”
“I do,” I reply, leaning down to kiss her softly.
I’ve been staring up at the ceiling as Jessica sleeps fitfully beside me, even though she’s not alone she can’t truly settle. It was only because her exhaustion gave out that she fell asleep to begin with, otherwise I’m sure she’d be staring at the ceiling alongside me too.
I sigh, pulling her closer to me, breathing in her familiar scent.
I can’t stop thinking about my upcoming surgery. What if something goes wrong? What if I need treatment? So many unknowns.
To live is to die, it’s inevitable.
But what I worry about above all else is leaving them.
My phone buzzes against my chest and I fumble as I pick it up and blink at the bright screen.
Swiping, I answer. “O?”
“Hey Noah,” she says, her voice slightly slurred. “I have someone here who wants to talk to you.”
There’sshuffling and muffled sounds before I hear his voice, and it’s an instant elixir.
“Noah, is that you?” he asks.
I sit up. Fuck, he sounds wasted.“It’s me.”
“I love you… you know that right?” His words might be slurred but his declaration is all him.
Closing my eyes, I let out a breath. “I know you do. I love you too, now and always.”
“I’m so fucking sorry,” he replies slowly. “Don’t ever want you to think I don’t care. You are everything to me, you and Jessica.”
I glance down to find her eyes open, watching me, worry lines marring her brow.
