I wasn’t expecting the stir of heavy emotions in my chest. I’ve been on autopilot for so long.
I’m saying goodbye to the only person whose face I can imagine with my eyes closed.
My Siler.
His laugh, his hugs, his jokes. His memories of me.
“Hey,” he says softly, “you’re not getting rid of me that easily. We’ll talk every day. I can travel to see you. My cousin, Mya, is at Rockefeller Amherst. You might not remember that, but she knows all about you.”
For all I know, he told me a hundred times.
“I’ll be fine. You don’t need to worry about me.” Forcing myself to kid him, I stare across the massive lawn at a swing hanging from a tree.
A pang of nostalgia hits me, but I’m not sure why. Have I been here before? It’s not the first time I’ve felt a tug at something that might be familiar.
‘...stop kicking your legs, Biz. Let me push you…’
Wait.
“Have I been to Andre’s house before? Maybe with you?”
Siler frowns. “Not that I know of. He just moved here last fall. Why?”
There goes that faulty brain of mine again.
How is Cornell going to work out when my memory is a giant void?
“Never mind.”
But I’m drawn to the edge of the lawn, where the rickety-looking wood plank hangs by rope, swaying in the breeze from the oak tree.
Siler follows me, “... She’s not a snob exactly, but she can be worried about appearances. Although, you know me, that should make it easier.”
Who is he talking about?
“Your cousin?” I ask as I reach for the rough rope, gritty with dirt.
Suddenly, I remember.
It’s warm outside. A sprinkler runs nearby. I’m in cut-off shorts and a cropped T-shirt. I laugh, bending forward, toeing at the ground.
Behind me, a voice that isn’t Siler’s sings,“...slight of hand and twist of fate, on a bed of nails she makes me wait… with or without youuu…”
I twist to the side to look at him, his name on the tip of my tongue.
I know him.
I know him.
This is no figment of my imagination.
A lift of his lips to one side highlights the dimple in his cheek. He’s beautiful. He lets go of the rope of the swing and runs a hand through his dark hair, winking at me.
“Biz, why are you looking at me like that?”
Then it’s gone.
I’m back in the dwindling light of dusk. The night of graduation with my best friend, Siler. His mouth is gaping open as he looks at me.
