Her lady’s maid set down the tray on the desk and turned. “Oh, my lady, your face.”
Since Sophie stood near her dressing table, she moved in front of it to look at herself. What she saw surprised her. She expected the red, puffy eyes, since she’d spent most of the night crying, but she hadn’t expected her black-and-blue jaw or the red bump on her forehead. She touched it gingerly. Both must have happened when she’d fallen down the servants’ stairs. She’d been in such a rush to flee from Tam that she’d forgotten to take a lantern with her in the corridors, and had lost her balance halfway down.
“You climb back in bed, and I’ll bring this over to you.”
“No, I’ll eat it there. I just fell last night. I’m well otherwise.” But that wasn’t actually true. Her body was well but her heart was broken. She’d turned away the man she loved, and who had loved her. And it hurt, sometimes so much that she couldn’t breathe.
“May I have a maid bring in a bath, then?”
She walked to her desk and sat, feeling other bruises she must have sustained. Still, they were nothing compared to the ache in her chest. “A bath sounds lovely. Thank you. Just keep the door locked otherwise.”
Miss Clark rang for a maid and gave instructions.
Sophie focused on adding extra cream to her tea. It did make her feel a bit better, though chewing was difficult with her sore jaw.
In little time, she was soaking in the hot water, alone again, feeling confused and lost. Her instinct was to talk about it with Tam, but she couldn’t do that. He would leave Silver Meadows when the duke and duchess returned, and then she needn’t worry about seeing him again. She hoped that was soon. It had been so hard to tell him no, especially in the face of his willingness to still marry her. He may hate her now, but one day he’d be grateful that he hadn’t raced off to Gretna Green with her.
At the thought of his steadfastness, tears came to her eyes again. She had to stop crying. Was that possible? Would she ever stop thinking about him every moment?
She ducked her head under the water, trying to focus on her bath. She sat up again and began to wash her hair. Why had her father—no,Lord Dowling—turned down Tam’s suit? If Lord Dowling knew her to be a bastard, wouldn’t he be happy to be rid of her? Perhaps he expected to marry her to Lord Wilford, but she couldn’t marry any lord. Surely, Lord Dowling knew that.
She finished rinsing her hair then lay back in the bath. Though she couldn’t have Tam, she could keep one part of him. She could be Rosalind in truth now. She doubted Lord Dowling would give her an annuity, so she would need to find a position. Her hope was to stay at Silver Meadows and become one of the faculty. She would have to tell the duchess, though, and having her at the school would not look well if anyone discovered her heritage, or lack thereof. As a former student and now spinster, it would not reflect well.
She couldn’t turn to her true father. As curious as she was about the man, he was a groom and most likely had a family. He would not be able to support her. Nor could she marry a commoner now. Notonly was she a bastard, but she loved Tam. It wouldn’t be fair to any man. There was her older brother, but he had never had much time for her, and her younger brother was even less interested in her, so she doubted any help from that quarter.
What good the bath had done for her psyche quickly dissipated with its warmth, and she found herself stepping out of the tepid water feeling more forlorn about her future than when she woke. Not only would she not have Tam, but she may not have anywhere to go.
After drying herself off, she pulled on a clean shift. She should get dressed, but there didn’t seem to be a reason to. She wouldn’t leave her room until Tam was gone. If she saw him again, she would lose her fortitude and run off with him. That he was willing to defy Lord Dowling had her heart hurting again. Tam was everything noble, kind, and trustworthy.
She shook her head as she sat upon her bed. “You need to focus on his faults.” Yes, that was what she needed to do. Faults like kissing a stranger in a corridor at a masked ball and lying to get his way. He also commanded attention and could be loud. But he was admired by so many, had a wonderful grasp of the classics and even some current literature. He was very intelligent and bold as well.
“Merciful heavens.” She fell back on her bed. She couldn’t even think about his faults without admiring him. Shakespeare was right in his sonnet when he said that loveis an ever-fixed mark…that looks on tempests and is never shaken.She was doomed to ever-think of Tam.
“Sophie?”
While she had to avoid seeing Tam, she couldn’t ignore her friends. They may be all she had if the duchess learned of her birth. “One moment.” Ellie had a daughter who would soon need a governess. Also, Lissa and her husband were always wandering the country on secret investigations for wealthy lords. Maybe they wouldn’t mind if Sophie stayed at their home for a while.
She grabbed her dressing gown, which lay at the end of the bed.After donning it, she strode to the door and opened it. As soon as Georgie slipped in, she locked it again. Not that she thought Tam would attempt to come inside, but if he did knock, the lock might make her rethink her impulse to open it wide.
“Sophie, I was so worried about you when you didn’t answer earlier. I just had to—Oh!”
She’d forgotten how awful her face looked. “I’m fine. I took a tumble down the stairs. I just have a few bumps and bruises.”
“You poor dear.” Georgie guided her back to the bed. “You need to rest and heal. No wonder you didn’t want to come down to the morning meal. Did you have anything sent up?”
Sophie held back a smile. Georgie was very loyal and would call a maid forthwith if she thought her friend needed something. “I had tea and brioche. My lady’s maid brought it for me.”
“Oh, good.” Georgie pulled the quilt back. “Now, in you go.”
Sophie complied. Except for reading for her next session with Mrs. Kingman, she had nothing else to do, and Georgie was bound to distract her from her heartache. “You look so pretty in that aqua dress. Is that new?”
Georgie’s eyes lit with excitement. “It is. I’m quite sure you can guess who sent it.”
Immediately, concern filled Sophie, distracting her thoroughly. “I hope it was your mother.” Georgie shook her head, and Sophie groaned. She couldn’t help it. “Georgie, you know he shouldn’t do that.”
“I know. But someone finallywantsme. I can’t tell you how happy I am. There is no word in language to explain how I feel. Lord Ashfield is in love with me. Not only has he told me, but each gift is thoughtful, like he reads every line of my letters. I’ve never felt this way.”
Sophie swallowed a lump in her throat. She knew exactly what that felt like. Hopefully, the man truly was in love with Georgie. After her own time with Tam, how could she judge? “I’m truly happy foryou.”
