She pulls her inner lower lip between her teeth, chewing ever so softly.
“Tell me,” I whisper, my breath caressing her lips.
“I want to feel the way I felt two weeks ago, before everything imploded.”
“And what is that?” I ask, demanding a truth I shouldn’t be privy to but one I desperately need.
“Like I had a purpose. Finally.” She breathes out, fear coating her eyes as they bounce between mine, searching for comfort. “I love it here, and for once, it felt like things were going right. I was working, and it was working, all my sisters in one place working towards a common goal, and I had you.”
“You do have a purpose here. You’re good at everything you’ve done here.” I take her hand, pulling it from her chest. “And youhaveme.”
“That’s not what you said.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
“You said you were afraid I’d leave, but you chose to leavemeinstead.”
I’m sure she feels my erratic heart beating below her palm as I get the guts to tell her how it is. “I was scared. Scared of not being enough for you and you staying because of your heart, not because you wanted to.”
“Funny, because I would’ve stayed for your dick, not because of my heart.”
I grunt, and she smiles, a disparate combination. “Stop deflecting with laughter, Riles.” This is what she always does, hiding behind thefunnyfriend or carefree woman instead of letting her emotions come to the edge of her skin. Her epidermis is coated in laughter when there’s pain underneath. “But I should’ve asked you instead. What do you want, Riley?”
She doesn’t answer; she just looks at the suitcases, quietly waiting for a decision to be made.
“Why do you always leave before someone asks you to stay?”
She pulls her hand away, fighting back tears that I hate myself for causing, even if I didn’t mean to.
“Because nobody ever has,” she whispers, soft as a cloud, although they land on my chest like a knife straight to my lungs.
I drag my fingers over her face, slowly caressing every inch of her. Riley is the sun rising early in the morning, the moon on the darkest night, and all the stars combined on a cloudless night.
She’s the universe, and we’re lucky we get to exist with her.
“Then let me be the one.”
“What?” She sucks in a breath.
“Stay. Give this place a chance. Giveusa chance. I don’t want to wake up one day and wish I would have said these words, even if they backfire in a year when you get bored of this old man.”
She smiles, and everything is right again. “You’re not that old.”
“I know, but it made you smile.”
“What if I want kids and you don't? What if you get bored? What if I can’t find a job because Lilly fires me? What if?—”
“I could never be bored of you or with you. You don’t need to find a job; you already have one. You didn’t mention it, but you can also travel, especially if you know you have a place to call home that’s waiting for you to come back.” I cradle her cheek as they flush pink. “The kids, the marriage, the house conversation can be had at a later time—unless you want to have it right now, and my answer would be whatever you want, Riley.”
“What? What do you mean?”
“I mean I’m all in. Whatever that means to you, it’ll be the same to me.”
She narrows her eyes, barely breathing. “Why now?”
“I realized something when we were apart, something I should’ve known but didn’t, because I’ve never experienced it before.” I smile wholly at her. “Not until you.”
“What do you mean?” I’m glad she’s not reading between the lines. I’m thankful she’s brave and brazen. I’m grateful she’s making me say it. Even unknowingly, Riley makes everyone around her better.
