When I make it back to the clubhouse, I see his Jeep in its normal spot and I get pissed as I nearly kick the door open, noting what Ace and Fury told me the other day when I was moved over here, but not wanting to fucking care about it. I don’t care if they said I can’t go into the longue. Fuck them.
Ace nods to me as he pushes the door open, and I glance behind him as he walks through the door and I catch sight of Axe as he smirks up over to a tall blonde who then sits down on his lap. It’s a forced smirk though, I can tell. I’ve seen him really laugh enough times.
A couple hours later, I am sitting in Dax’s room, not allowed out when I get an idea. Skipping down the staircase, I pause in the kitchen as I look for something to eat. Poking my head out behind the bar, I take a couple of steps behind it to get to Roxy in my elaborate scheme to ask her about something to eat. Really, I’m just trying to make him come face-to-face with me. When my eyes fall to Axe with his head leaned back against the couch, he is still sitting in the same spot. I can’t help but trail my eyes down his arm until it comes to where it rests, tangled in the blonde’s hair as her head bobs up and down over his dick.
“Ella, what are you doing?” I hear Rox ask me. She speaks barely over the music that’s playing. Her eyes wide because she knows just as well as I do, I shouldn’t be in here, and she knows that I shouldn’t be seeing what is currently taking place in here.
“Food.” I whisper out as I scamper backwards into the kitchen. I want to get away, but before I can push through the door, his eyes catch mine and we’re staring at one another across the room while his dick is down the blonde’s throat. “I’ll find it.” I whisper back to her quickly before I push through the door and rush back up the stairs.
I can’t help thinking about when Fury told me I was sleeping in Dax’s room because he didn’t know whatAsh has in his. Does he have a reason to be worried about me finding anything in Ash’s room?
I rush to Ash’s door and quickly punch in the code, or at least what I know it has to be. The sound of it unlockinggetting ready to walk into his room brings Ash lying in the bed earlier intomy thoughts, and I open the door. Sure, they will be able to tell that someone came in here, but who’s going to be looking. Sitting down on the chair on the other side of the room, I curl up, pushing all the tears that are threatening to spill out away. I just want to forget today. Having Axe reject me again sure stung, but nothing I’m not used to. Watching him with his dick in someone’s throat that fucking hurt, but I know him and I know why he was really doing that. But my soul feels fucking crushed as I think about Ash laying in that hospital bed.
Please don’t die.That’s all I could think about when I was there. So I just want to forget today. Today just sucked and I don’t want to feel. Sitting in Ash’s room, I let myself think for a second. If I were him, where would I keep the good shit? Not that it really matters in this house, because no one is looking.
Confirming my theory that I wouldn’t have to look far; I see the white powder which sits in the baggie on the nightstand. Right before I reach for the baggy, I see the small bottle of pills on the table as well.
Snatching both of them, I quickly leave the room and slip back into Dax’s room. Popping the lid on the pill bottle, I tilt it over as three large white pills tumble out and I look at them as ‘XANAX’ is printed across it and I pop one into my mouth, quickly swallowing it. I just want to forget about today.
Fuck, stop.I nearly shout out loud to myself as I walk through the kitchen once again to check on her.
I would be completely lying if I tried to say that I had no intentions of her seeing that… in fact, I kind of wanted her to because I needed to hurt her just enough to put enough distance between us because what I told her earlier was true.
They will never be okay with this… no matter what I may feel for her. As fucked up as that whole thought is.
I hear the stumbling down the stairs as I look over and watch as Ella nearly falls on her face as she steps down the stairs. “Fuck.” I mumble, rolling my eyes as I look at her again. She giggles as she looks at me. As she stumbles towards me, I can see from here the slight yellow tint to her eyes that was not there earlier. I’m not even sure how the fuck she got a hold of something. “Goddamnit.” I groan to myself as I look at her. “What are you doing down here?”
“Water.” The word comes out slightly slurred as I just shake my head, stepping over to the fridge and slamming the bottle into her chest. “What’s your fucking problem?” She snaps at me, still slightly slurring. “I assumed you would be much more relaxed by now.” She stands staring at me, swaying from side to side, obviously not realizing the awkward moment I had when I pushed Callie off of me earlier and how I’ve been pacing back and forth in here contemplating if I should or shouldn’t check on her.
“What the fuck are you on right now?” Stepping to her and gripping a hold of her face as I tilt it up and look at her eyes more closely.
“Nothing.” She tries to snatch her face away again, but I tighten my grip.
“Where did you even find anything? I know Khan doesn’t have shit up there.” It’s the only reason he would let her stay in there.
“Don’t you have some slutty blonde to press your dick into?” She snaps, pulling her face out of my grip before she turns quickly and starts up the stairs.
“Ella,” snapping back to her, as I follow behind her, before she almost stumbles down the stairs and I catch her.
“I’m fine.” She nearly shouts at me before she picks herself back up and pushes her way back up to the stairs. “I’ve got it myself. Just let me go.”
“You almost busted your ass down the stairs, I’m sure not letting you go.” I snap at her as I grip onto her arm and yank her back to me. “Fucking hell, Ella. What the fuck is wrong with you?” I snap again before I’m nearly pulling her up the stairs behind me. Reaching the top, I see she has also just left Khan’s door open. It would piss him off if he saw this, himself.
Shoving her through the door, I quickly shut it behind me and glare at her. “What the fuck are you doing?” I snap at her again when I notice the pill bottle on the nightstand and pick it up quickly, but the label’s been removed. Popping the lid, I see the 2 Xanax bars still inside and I roll my fucking eyes as I look at her again. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” I nearly shout over at her again as she rolls her eyes, and I can feel the fucking rage inside of me boiling up. Where the fuck did she even find these at? The small baggie of powder catches my eye and internally I groan as I look back over at her, holding up both of them and stalking over to her. “Really?” I hold them up and glare down at her. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”
“What is wrong with me?” She shouts back. “You.” She shouts as she shoves me back. “You are what’s fucking wrong with me. You’re a fucking asshole. I hate you. I hate you so fucking much.” She sobs out and I swear I can hear the sounds of my goddamn heart breaking.
“Ella,” I hear my voice come out in an unrecognizable gasp, reaching out for her, and pulling her to me.
“No,” she shouts again, as she pushes me away. “You are so fucking—” the sob breaks her sentence before I pull her into me. She weakly tries to fight against me, but I just hold on tighter, pulling her further into me. Today was so fucking hard on her already and I’m only making it worse. I can see it in her eyes when she looks at me now. I can feel it in my heart when our eyes lock.
I don’t even know what it is, but I can feel it.
“Let me go,” she whimpers out. “I don’t want to be here anymore. I’m going to go home tomorrow.” She pulls away and I can’t say anything because I’m afraid that if I open my mouth, it will betray me and words that I don’t want to say—no, words that I can’t say to her will come tumbling out. So, I just nod my head at her. “You don’t even care, do you?” She asks, quietly. I can’t say anything, so I just sigh and walk to the door again, opening it quickly before I step out of the room, shutting the door. I can’t help but lean against it as I whisper out.
“I care more than you know, Babydoll.” And quickly make my way down the hallway away from the room and back to mine.
She keeps good on her promise and by the next morning, she’s gone…
