“Jesus, you’re right.” Dad and Caroline speak at the same time.
“What?” He’s irritated at me for dragging him away from playing and I see Axe’s face come quickly over to look at us.
“I’m sorry, excuse me?” I look at him. “Would you like to try that again?”
“I’m sorry, mommy.” He looks up at me, instantly with sad eyes.
Shaking my head, “Remember how I told you I was coming to see my dad?” He nods his head quickly.
“Yeah.”
“Your grandpa?” He nods again and I can feel the emotion coming off of my father as he stands next to me.
“Jag, this is your grandpa.” His face lights up as dad squats down to talk to him and Jag jumps up, giving him a hug. I feel the emotion coming over me as I glance over, and I see the envious look in Axe’s eyes before he glances away.
“I’m surprised you’re still here.” Oz says to me as Ella helps Caroline clean up dinner and we sit in the living room with the boys. I just glance over at him, curious. “I would be pissed.”
“Oh, I am.” I nod to him, “but I’m going to get to know him.” He smiles at me and claps me on the back. “I just hope that in time I can stop being pissed at his mom. I dunno, she said that she tried calling, you know, besides those times she called and hung up when I answered. Said she left a couple messages, but I never got any messages.” His face suddenly becomes sullen when he looks back up at me and he sighs. “Do not apologize right now.” I look at him. “Ash already did that shit today and I can’t take anyone else saying it. Everyone else could have said anything that they wanted to. She left because of what I said to her.” I shake my head as Jag looks over to Oz and me as he smiles… I’m sure just at Oz.
He’s still uncertain about me since he walked into the house today amid a fight.
Ella walks Oz out of the house and I can’t help but watch them. Only 10 minutes after I watch the headlights fade away, she still hasn’t walked back inside, so I go out to check on her.
She’s standing at the cliff looking out, and I can see the moon shining on the water below.
“Ella,” I call out as I approach, and I take a quick notice as she mumbles to herself and then wipes her cheeks quickly before she turns around. “What’s wrong?” As fucking pissed off as I am at her still, I still hate it when she’s hurting.
“Nothing,” she smiles, “I’m fine.”
“I’m fine.” I mimic her voice, and she rolls her eyes at me before she stalks off in the house's direction. “Marcella.” I snap at her before she spins around and looks at me.
“Goddamnit, what is it with everyone using that name in the last few days?”
“Shocking news…” I trail, causing her to smirk slightly. “Now, what’s wrong?” I glare at her.
“Ugh,” she groans before she sighs and looks down at the ground. “It’s just today. It’s overwhelming.” It’s a whisper and if I was a complete asshole, I would say what I was thinking… which is something like,you’re fucking complaining about it being overwhelming. “It’s just watching him playing with the boys, him with my dad, and him with…” she trails, and I can see in her eyes what she is thinking, but I need her to say it. Her voice drops to a whisper, “you.” She inhales before she starts again. “I just feel like the last three years of my life have been a huge fucking mistake.”
“El, honestly,” I start, looking over to her and my wall that is in place to keep everyone out starts to crumble under her big brown eyes, “It’s probably better that you did.” She pulls her arm out from my grip before I grip even tighter, forcing her to look at me. “Not because I don’t want him here. Or fuck if I’m being completely honest. It’s not because I don’t want you here. I fucking want both of you here so goddamn bad.” Her mouth falls slightly open. “It’s very confusing for me. I want you here, but I’m so fucking pissed at you at the same time.” Her mouth closes, and she nods her head. “But it’s been a bit of a shit show around here the last few years.” Then, as I think about the shit show that has ensued, I try to do the math, but knowing that there’s no way for sure to know. “Fuck, when was he born?”
“May 18th.” I feel like shit because I don’t even know this information, but even more so for what I’m about to tell her.
“Fuck,” shaking my head, I look away quickly.
“What is it?” She asks and I just shake my head. “Axe?” She calls for me again, but I just continue to run my hand down my face. “Carter!” She shouts at me, causing me to look over at her. “What is it?”
“I was in fucking prison the day he was born.”
“What?” she whispers, looking up at me with complete concern on her face.
“It wouldn’t have mattered if you were here or there. Either way, I would have missed it because I was sitting in a fucking cell.” But if I’m being honest. If she was here, pregnant, with my child, fuck with anyone’s child. I would have never volunteered to lie down on the metaphorical sword. I would have been there for her. “That’s why I didn’t get your calls and when I got out my phone was done.”
“For what?” She whispers, looking up at me.
“To keep me out.” Ash’s voice comes from behind her. She slowly turns to look at him as he walks up. “Since you left, El. Ace and Remy took off.”
“What?” She looks at me and I just nod.
“Yeah, Remy was a fed. They used her past with Ace and forced her to go undercover to take us down. She quit and when she did that, they got more aggressive. They stopped us for some bullshit, and we all knew that they wanted to leave with someone that day. Axe stepped up. Butler started baiting me and after he spoke ill of Care. Axe knew I wouldn’t leave there until he was on his ass. The feds knew Butler was already hassling us and it was a bullshit arrest because it was just. But he sat in there for months before they dropped all the charges. Even though he was waiting for a trial date, they claimed overcrowding at the county jail and pushed into a state prison.” He pauses again. “He did it because he knew I was about too and that if I did, Care would have fucking killed me when I got out.” All three of us let out a quiet laugh. “He’s talking a big talk right now, but don’t let him fool you. If you would have been here. If he would have known, he would have never stepped up and fuck, we wouldn’t have let him.” Suddenly, I realize they knew when they arrested me. Fucking Lee knew that’s what he meant by I would miss it. He was never talking about Ash.
“Fuck.” I whisper out to myself as I look back, and I can see Ash and Ella looking at me. “Those fucking assholes. When Lee came into the interrogation room, he said I would miss the birth. I was confused. They knew this whole fucking time and never said a goddamn word.”
