“Stupid, stupid,stupid.”
I’ll be lucky if she even wants to speak to again after this.
THIRTY-TWO
TESORO
ISABELLA
Once the tears started,I couldn’t get them to stop.
When I walked into the apartment, Jordan was still in the living room. It reminded me of a parent waiting on a child who was out after curfew. It only took her one look at me to whip out her phone and dial Liz with a 911.
That’s how I find myself sandwiched between the two of them on our sofa, staring at the blank TV screen. There’s nothing playing, but even if there was, I wouldn’t be paying attention. I would still be sitting here reliving the fight in the car on repeat. Picking apart all of the ways I could’ve reacted differently and not found myself in this situation.
“I’m so fucking in love with you.”
Those are the words that replay the most. That hurt the most. Cut the deepest.
I had suspected he loved me, could see it in his eyes whenever he’d look at me for a moment too long and couldn’t hide it away in time. But he never said it.
I know why he didn’t. He was waiting for me. Waiting on me to be there with him. The most ridiculous thing about thatthough? Iwasthere. I just didn’t realize it until last night when he got hurt. That’s when it hit me what I felt for him.
I hate the way we left things.
I hate that he probably thinks I don’t feel the same way about him.
“I’m so fucking in love with you.”
I hate that I can’t stop crying.
Liz and Jordan are just sitting beside me, letting my silent tears fall. I haven’t said a word to either of them, so they don’t actually know what’s happened. About Ryan. But they also haven’t pushed for information yet. I know they’re probably climbing the walls inside, itching for me to open up. I’m struggling to find the words.
“We broke up,” I finally croak out.
They’re both stunned by my words, but Jordan is the first to pull herself together to speak. “You what?”
“Oh, sweetie,” Liz says, looping an arm around me to hug me into her.
“I thought you were fired!”
I turn my head to Jordan. “That happened too.”
Her eyes widen to a point I’m afraid they’ll pop out of her head. “You mean to tell me he dumped you after getting you fired from your job?” Rage overtakes her features and I’m quick to snatch her wrist when she stands abruptly, no doubt to go hunt down Ryan.
“No, I think I’m the one who dumped him.”
“You think?” Liz asks, words slow, her voice pitching up at the end.
“Yeah, well, I wasn’t in the best mindset at the time. I suggested we take a break. And then it all kind of spiraled? Next thing I know, he’s confessing he loves me—” My voice cracks and I have to clear my throat and start over. “In the middle of the breakup.”
“He what?” Jordan gapes at me.
I drop my face into my hands. “What have I done?”
There’sa knock on my bedroom door.
I’m too cozy in my bed to answer it, wrapped in Ryan’s scent that still clings to the Suns T-shirt I sleep in while he’s on away trips.
