“It’s all my f-fault!” Racking sobs shook his little body. “Now I know why M-Mamaneverc-comes to v-visit.”
Hannah felt the tears slide down her face as she held his trembling body tighter. He gave one shuddering breath after another as he cried his little heart out. She finally picked him up and carried him out of his bedroom. His son needed Ben right now.
He was waiting for her with Flame and Orion, strapping the picnic basket onto his saddlebags. The moment he saw her, his face blanched, and he came running.
“What happened to him? Where’s Reba? He was supposed to be with her up at the house.”
She didn’t think she needed to mention how easy sneaking out to be alone, especially around suppertime, would be.
Transferring Cooper into his arms, he cuddled his son to his chest and ran his hand up and down the little boy’s back while she helplessly looked on. “Cooper…what’s wrong?”
The little boy looked up, tears pouring down his cheeks as his lip wobbled. “P-Papa, I’msosorry. I didn’t m-mean to be a m-mistake.”
Ben gave a sharp intake before a tortured gleam appeared in his eyes. “What are you talking about? Cooper, you are not a mistake! Son…”
Hannah’s throat ached for them both as Cooper only pressed his face into Ben’s neck and started sobbing again, muttering brokenly, “I’m—I’m so s-sorry, Papa.”
Ben looked at Hannah in blank shock, cradling his son to him. “What’s he talking about? I’ve never seen him like this. Never.”
She wanted to lay a gentle hand on the hard line of his jaw and comfort him as if he were Cooper, but instead, she placed a soothing hand on his son’s leg. “Cooper’s friend…ah, Paisley…said some things.”
His entire face darkened, and for a moment, he clenched his eyes shut in agony. “I need to take care of him.”
She nodded quickly, tears spilling down her cheeks at their pain. “Go. I’ll take the horses back into the barn.”
He was already striding past her into the house.
Flame reared angrily when Hannah walked over. Cooper’s tears and Ben’s pain had broken her a little too, and this act of defiance was the final straw. She planted her hands on her waist and stared at the cinnamon roan. “I’m about done with you acting like this. Flame, Iloveyou. I’m sorry I went away. Please…stop blaming me. I just…”
God, here she was crying too, over a horse that felt completely lost to her, one who used to greet her with a playful little head toss the moment they saw each other.
“I just want us to be friends,” she whispered, wiping at her eyes.
Orion came over and nuzzled her, so she patted him around the neck and took the consolation before taking his reins. When she reached for Flame’s, the mare didn’t jerk away, so that was something at least.
Leading them into the barn, she first unpacked the picnic basket before unsaddling the horses. Flame pretty much ignored her, but at least she didn’t try to take a chunk out of her.
After leading them into their stalls, she made sure they had fresh hay and grain. Orion gave her his version of a kiss in thanks. Flame turned her back to Hannah, giving her the equine version of the cut direct. She told herself not to cry.
Picking up the picnic basket, she opened the lid and peeked inside. There was a bunch of freshly picked wildflowers wrapped in a wet paper towel tied with a strip of rawhide—a Ben special if she ever saw one. The smell of fried chicken normally would have made her stomach growl. So would the slices of fresh baked pie in the plastic containers.
But not today.
Not when a little boy believed he’d been a “mistake” and had learned things no child should ever have to know.
Oh, how she ached for them both. Last night, Ben had shared how Cooper had helped him become a better man. How he meant everything to him. Seeing that sweet, tender side of him had been part of this change that was happening between them.
But today, how caring he’d been—even in his own agony—she’d seen the full expanse of his love. When Ben McAllister loved, he loved with his whole heart and strength. Those feelings might be rare, given the kind of man he was, but they were all the more precious for it.
He’d loved her like that once.
No, she wasn’t angry anymore. Not really. But she did feel the loss of what they’d been to each other keenly as much as the burgeoning promise of such feelings surfacing again.
Because Jolene was right. Ben had grown into a good man. One she was still compelled by.
Striding toward her house, she knew their picnic would be postponed. Ben needed to stay with Cooper.
She only wished she could do something to help the sorrow they both must be feeling down in the house only a hundred yards away.
