“In two days,” Becca said. “We’re heading to Kauai. The girls are staying with Mark’s sister.”
“I’m glad for you,” I said.
“So what’s going on? Why the sad face?” Becca asked. “Does it have anything to do with a woman?”
“Yeah. I’ve been seeing someone—Delphine. Annie’s mom.”
“Annie from the bookstore?”
“Right.”
Understanding washed over Becca’s face. “You’re dating Annie’s mom?”
“I was. We broke up.”
I told them the whole story. How we met. The fast immersion into each other’s lives. My worry about hurting Annie. “She’s been through hell, and I can’t bring a new fresh one to her.”
They’d listened without questions or comments. I expected Becca to be the one to jump in with advice. Instead, it was Mark.
“Man, I totally get it,” Mark said. “These children are precious and innocent. Feeling like what you do or don’t do could harm them forever—it’s a humbling thing.”
“Terrifying,” I said.
“But if you love her mom, you’re just going to have to believe in yourself,” Mark said. “Even when the kids don’t react like you wish they would.”
“You clearly have feelings for Delphine,” Becca said. “I’d hate to see you wreck something that could change your life. For the better, I mean.”
“I do have feelings. Big ones. I’ve never felt this way before,” I said.
“Then why did you tell her you weren’t sure?” Becca asked.
“Because I’m not completely positive I have it in me to be what she wants and needs,” I said.
“And there’s Annie,” Mark said.
“You should have seen Delphine earlier,” I said. “She shut down in a split second. I could see her decision to return to her comfort zone, which is pushing men away. I let her down. I’m not sure I can recover from it.”
“But you want to?” Becca asked.
“I don’t know if I’m cut out for this,” I said. “I’ve made my life simple on purpose. And this is all very complicated.”
“Comes with the territory,” Mark said. “But I can tell you this—it’s worth all the complexities in the world to be with the woman of your dreams.”
I glanced at Becca, who was staring at her new husband with unmitigated love in her eyes. She was happy. Truly happy. To be the person of someone’s dreams? Was there any better feeling than that?
“Why is falling in love so frightening?” I asked.
“Because we’re of the age where we’ve been through some hard stuff,” Mark said. “We know how bad it can hurt if we’re left.”
The truth of that hit me like a boulder to the chest. Not only was I afraid to hurt Annie, I was afraid to hurt myself. Was I sabotaging the relationship out of fear? Convincing myself it was about Annie when it was really about my own insecurities?
“The answer is yes,” Becca said.
“To what?” I asked.
“To the question you’re asking yourself. You’re ruining things with Delphine before she can ruin you,” Becca said. “Listen to me now. You lost your best friend—your brother—and it hurt. I know how much it hurt. And he’s not coming back. No matter how many times you wish you’d done this or that or the other thing differently. It doesn’t change the truth. We lost someone who was a part of us. Missing him is a constant ache. I know. But please, don’t let the lesson of his death be about fear—about making sure you keep yourself safe from love. Because if that’swhat he left you, then that’s the biggest tragedy of all. Please don’t let that be his legacy. Show his girls that it’s okay to move forward.”
I didn’t know what to say to that. Fortunately, Maria did, as she chose that exact moment to announce that the inchworm had reached the top of the patio wall.
