Eli: This is ridiculous. Answer the phone
Eli: You’re going to throw away everything over one argument?
Eli: Lydia. Answer!
Eli: I can’t believe you’re acting like this
Eli: Please, talk to me
I can’t do this right now. I want to sink back into my bed and forget about today. Rewind the clock and make it never happen.
I turn my phoneoff so I can’t respond…because all I want to do is respond, tell him that it’s okay, that I forgive him. But something is wrong here, something deeper, and I don’t have the energy to fight about it right now.
12
Lydia
Waking up this morning, all I felt was dread. And I didn’t understand why until the memories from last night all came flooding back at once, hitting me right in the chest. When I turned my head and reached for my phone, just to realize it was dead, my stomach dropped even more.
I’m scared to see Eli today at school, knowing he’s probably still upset with me. I hate when he’s angry like this. I just want everything to go back to normal with us and act like yesterday never happened.
I knew I’d probably drive myself to school this morning since I hadn’t talked to Eli, and honestly, I wanted to drive myself. I needed to prepare myself to see him and talk to him after last night.
As soon as I step out of my car, my eyes find him across the parking lot, leaning against his car. He’s talking to John, and his expression is pretty neutral, almost happy…until he spots me. He instantly straightens and then says something to John before he pushes off his car, walking straight towards me. My heart is beating fast, and I try to slow my breathing down. I hate this feeling, and I just want to fix things with him so it’ll go away.
“Hey,” Eli says quietly as he reaches me, his eyes scanning mine cautiously. “We need to talk.”
I shift, pulling my backpack up on my shoulder nervously. “Yeah, okay.”
He nods in the direction of the football field. “Come on.”
The tensionfeels thick between us as we walk towards the bleachers, neither one of us speaking. I don’t know what to say to make any of this better, and my head is spinning from all the thoughts and feelings I’m having about what happened.
When we reach some privacy behind the bleachers, Eli abruptly turns to face me, grabbing my upper arm tightly.
“Ow!” I jerk my arm away, wincing as I rub the tender spot where his fingers had dug in.
Eli’s face shifts quickly, panic filling his eyes. “Shit—I didn’t mean to grab you that hard, Lydia. I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine,” I say in almost a whisper, avoiding his gaze.
He runs his hand through his hair, visibly frustrated and on edge. “Are you breaking up with me?”
I stare at him, confused. “What? No, Eli. Why would you think that?”
He watches me for a moment, trying to gauge the situation, then he gets a little more agitated. “Then why’d you ignore me all night? And why didn’t you ride with me this morning?”
I look down, embarrassed. “I started having a panic attack last night. It got bad…I took a Xanax and fell asleep. I swear I wasn’t ignoring you.”
He tilts his head slightly, like he’s concerned, but also suspicious. “You take drugs now?”
I quickly look back up at him, baffled. “What? No, it’s a prescription from my doctor for my anxiety.”
“How often do you take that? Why have you never told me?”
I scrunch my face up at him in confusion, becoming a little annoyed. “I barely ever take them. Only when I have bad panic attacks.”
“And you were having a panic attack because of me? Because of our fight?”
