Lydia
I’ve never done real drugs before…but this feels better than any high I could imagine.
Being wrapped around another human, the close connection, the false intimacy, the fantasy you can create in your head when your eyes are closed…even when you don’t know the name of the guy you’re kissing.
When a damaged girl is left alone at a beach house party…what else do you expect her to do? Make responsible decisions? No. I’ve done that for long enough. I tried to be the good girl, and I still got hurt. I cared too much about what other people thought about me, and they still hated me.
Now I just want tostopcaring so much.
Whateverthisis I’m doing feels so much better. I feel light in this moment. I’m swaying with the music, letting the alcohol run wild through my veins, and being consumed by a boy I don’t even know, who’s coaxing this intense pleasure from me with every swipe of his tongue.
He stops kissing me and leans close, breath hot against my neck. “Let’s go upstairs.”
I pause, reality cutting through the haze just enough to realize how dizzy I feel. “Let’s just stay here,” I tell him, kissing his neck, trying to go back to my blissful, naive bubble.
He presses a little closer, lips brushing my ear. “We could have more fun upstairs. Come on.”
He stands and takes my hand, guiding me towards the stairs.
“No,” I slur. “I…wanna stay here. I like kissing you down here. I don’t want…to do…anything else.”
“You were kissing me like you did,” he tells me with a creepy smirk playing on his lips. “I bet you know exactly what you’re doing in bed, too.”
Vomit rises in my throat. I don’t know if it’s from the alcohol or from my sudden repulsion.
I pull my hand from his. “I said…no.”
He’s in my face now, grabbing my arm hard enough to the point of pain, voice low and frightening. “I promise to make it good for you. Come on, you can’t do that to me back there and not finish what you started.”
“I said no,” I repeat, louder this time, my voice shaking.
He jerks my arm roughly, leaning close, alcohol sharp on his breath. “Come on, stop playing hard to get. I promise, you’ll have fun.”
Panic sparks inside me, spreading rapidly. I search frantically around the crowded party, trying to spot Simone or Tyler.
Faces blur, strangers lost in their own moments. No one notices us. No one cares. The music drowns everything out around us.
“Let go,” I snap, yanking my arm away again. My chest tightens, panic and anger filling me. “I said no!” My voice carries above the music, and heads start to turn.
Tyler’s voice cuts sharply through the noise. “Hey, back the fuck off!”
Relief floods me as he pushes through the crowd, Simone close behind him. He positions himself between me and the stranger, shoulders squared protectively.
The guy raises his hands in mock surrender. “Chill, we were just having a good time until she started being a freak and acting crazy.”
The words sting, but I try not to hold on to them. I move closer to Simone, who wraps her arms around me.
“How old are you? Like twenty-something?” Tyler asks the guy, disgusted. “She’s seventeen! You’rethe freak!”
“Yo, I didn’t know she was underage, relax, man. She was the one coming on to me.”
Tyler’s jaw clenches, fists balled at his sides. “But you knew she was drunk, you fucking creep. Is that how you like to get laid? Find a drunk girl you can do whatever you want with?”
The air grows tense as they glare at each other, inches away from violence. Simone tugs Tyler’s arm, and I can tell she’s worried. “Tyler, let’s go. He’s not worth it.”
Tyler hesitates, fury still clearly etched on his face, but he finally backs away, letting Simone guide us quickly out of the house.
The silence in the car after is loud. Shame churns in my stomach until I can’t stand it anymore. “I’m sorry,” I say, voice small, barely audible over the car’s engine and radio. “I didn’t mean to ruin the night.”
