Chapter Twelve: Out
The next morning, Itried to talk to him.He was folding the blankets on the couch.
When he saw me, he said, “Look, I’m still mad.I’m mad because nothing’s changed since the day I moved in.”
“Are you breaking up with me?”
“I can’t break up with you, because we’re not dating.Are we?”
I couldn’t answer him, because I didn’t know.“What’s gonna happen?Are you gonna leave?”
“I don’t know yet.I have to think.I’ve got a meeting about a job.I won’t be back till late.Don’t wait up.”
He left before I could say anything.He didn’t take his backpack.That meant he wasn’t leaving for good.Yet.
He’d said he wasn’t coming back till late, but I took another personal day from work and stayed home, just in case.I had too much energy I needed to burn off, so I cleaned the apartment, reliving last night the whole time.
Truth was, I wouldn’t have minded if he’d touched me at home.I would have liked it.But in front of people he knew?No way.I wanted him.I really did, but touching him in public would have meant something more than it did in our apartment.
I couldn’t talk to Bexley or Ben about it because they didn’t know he existed.And I didn’t want to watch a DVD, because that would remind me of why we’d had our fight.I noticed he’d put theWanton TownDVD away.
I made lasagna from scratch, and then I baked some brownies, and then I didn’t know what to do, so I sat on the couch and ruminated.
It was eight o’clock when he finally came back.He didn’t look angry anymore, just tired and serious.
“Did you have time to think?”I said.
“Look, something happened at this work meeting.”
“What?”
“You remember that director Cub and Andy were talking about—Jack Lawson?”
“The hot director?That’s the guy you met today?”
“Yeah.”
It was like he took a sledgehammer to my heart.“Did you—?No, Eddie.You didn’t.”
“No, I didn’t sleep with him.For fuck’s sake, Craig.”He sounded offended.
“You said something happened.”
“He asked me out.”
“What did you say?Did you tell him about me?”
“What was I supposed to say?That we’re dating?We’re not.It’s really clear when I’m asked a simple question about what my ‘situation’ is, I have no fucking clue.”
I didn’t have an answer for him.Just a question.“Do you want to go out with him?”
“Well, why would I want to go out with a guy who wouldn’t have a problem with me touching him in public, when I could hang out with you instead and pretend we’re justbuddies?Buddies who never touch each other for any reason.”
He was mad again.I looked at the carpet, rubbing my foot back and forth over it as hard as I could.Static popped under my toes.Time to fish or cut bait, but I didn’t know which.
“Craig, look at me.”He counted on his fingers.“We’ve been sleeping together for months, but we’ve never fucked.I can’t call you my boyfriend.We’re not dating, but I’m not free to accept when someone else makes me an honest offer.So what have we got here?”
