“We’re not changing the name,” said Bex.
“How about DB3 Crew?”said Brian.“Stands for Dickback Dickback Dickback Crew.”Then he grinned in the way one of my ex-girlfriends had told me was “crazy sexy.”
Nobody laughed, which pissed Brian off because he thought he was some kind of comedian.He made me regret coming out to him.He kept making snide remarks.One night, we were figuring out song order for our set, and I said, “Whatever,” because I wanted them to stop arguing, and Brian said, “Make up your fucking mind, Porter.Pick one or the other.”
Alan wasn’t taking sides.But Bex and Ben jumped all over Brian and told him to shut his mouth and that it was a lot easier to find a lead singer than another keyboardist.But I was done by then.The band was falling apart, and it was all my fault.I considered quitting because it was too much to deal with on top of everything else.
One day, I found the ring box in my desk at work.I threw it back in the drawer, hoping it would break.I couldn’t believe I used to believe he might marry me.
My phone buzzed with a text notification.
It was him, and I didn’t want to deal.I picked up my phone and threw it in the drawer and slammed it shut.Then I went back to work.
But it kept bugging me.He didn’t normally text me at work.Something must be wrong.Was he dumping me?Had something happened to him?I went back to my desk and checked.
It wasn’t any of that.Just,what time do you have lunch?
I was angry.Why did he care?
I texted back,Not having lunch today.
I dropped the phone on my desk.I was on my way out the door when it rang.It was him.For fuck’s sake.Why couldn’t he leave me alone?
“What?”I said.
“You have to eat.”
“I didn’t bring any lunch.”
“I’ll bring you some,” he said.“What time?”
“Noon, I guess.But I’m not hungry.”
“I’ll see you at noon.”
I guess he knew what building I worked in because Trish must have mentioned it, but he’d never been to my lab before.I didn’t know how he found me, but he did.I heard a knock, and when I looked up he’d let himself in and shut the door behind him.It was a three-person office and pretty cramped, but it was just me in there because Roger was at a conference, and Hilde was on vacation.
“Can you eat in here?”he said.
“We’re not supposed to, but I do, sometimes.”
He set a paper bag and a bottle of agave cactus juice on my desk in front of me.
“Thanks.”I pulled the sandwich out.A ham and cheese panini from my favorite sandwich shop.
“I haven’t seen you properly in days,” he said.
“Guess we’ve both been busy.Don’t you have a movie to shoot?”
“Day off.”
“Shouldn’t you be learning lines right now?”
“You’re more important,” he said.
“I’m not.”
I put the sandwich down.I didn’t want it anyway.I didn’t want to look at him, and I was about to cry, and I didn’t want to do that in front of him.
