The lake looked beautiful.This was where I was going to propose.After we—
“Let’s go back,” he said.
“Sure.”
We held hands on the way.He elbowed me playfully.
“What?”I said.
He let go of my hand and shoved me up against a tree by the trail.He grabbed the collar of my coat in one hand, pulled up the bottom of my coat, and pressed himself against me.
“You feel me?”he said in my ear.
“Yeah,” I said, because I could.And fuck, I wanted him then as much as he wanted me.
“One day, I’m gonna do you like this.I’m gonna do you so hard and fill you up and come inside you.”
“Fuck,” I whispered, because my voice didn’t work properly.
He let go of me and stepped back.“I don’t want to pretend anymore.”
The walk back to the cottage seemed to take a lot less time than the walk to the lake had.
“Okay,” I said, holding his shoulders.My hands were shaking.“How do we do this?Where do you want me to stand?”
“Get on the bed.You’ll want to be lying down for your first time.I’ll join you in a sec.”
“Okay,” I said.We were gonna do this.We were actually gonna do this.
I didn’t know what to do, so I lay face down on the bed.This was starting to feel like a painful medical exam.His dick wasn’t huge, but it was big enough, and never mind he said he’d be careful, he’d also said it could hurt, so I tried to take my mind off it by reciting the proposal in my head, but I kept getting stuck.Then I heard him come into the bedroom.
“Lie on your back,” he said.
I rolled over.“How will that work?”
He took a box of condoms and lube out of his backpack and set them on the bedside table.
“The first thing we’re gonna do is make out for a while,” he said.“A good long while, until you’re really turned on and relaxed.”
“I’ve gotta take a piss.”
“Go do that.I’ll be here.”
I went to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror.You have to do this, Porter.Then you can propose.Then everything’ll be okay.Ifhe says yes.He has to say yes.He can’t fuck me and dump me...can he?
When I got back to the bedroom, there was a condom on the bedside table, and he was opening a package of Kleenex.I stood in the doorway, watching.
“We don’t have to do this now if you’re not ready,” he said.
“No, I want to, but I dunno.Stage fright, I guess.”
“You get stage fright?”
“Yeah.Pretty bad sometimes, when I tap.”
“You wanna make out?”he said.
I could do that.“Sure.”
