‘The gods don’t like to be kept waiting,’ he says.
‘I’m aware.’ I pick up the nearest note and slice it open with a nail.
Hades,
What in the Heavens is going on down there? Tie Thanatos to a rock if you must. I want this killing stopped! I would have thought you’d be too busy with that new wife of yours to throw a tantrum like this but, for Gaia’s sake, whatever is going on, don’t take it out on the rest of us.
Poseidon
‘Charming,’ I say, tilting the letter to Hades so he can see.
‘It’s unlike him to take the time to write,’ Hades says. ‘Normally he causes an earthquake and lets the influx of souls get my attention. I suppose he knew that would be counterintuitive.’
‘I recommend not reading Apollo’s letter,’ Hermes says. ‘He wrote it in front of me and when he asks you to stop killing the humans he’s rather explicit about what he would like to be doing with them instead.’
Absentmindedly I pick another.
I’m at Eleusis. Grab your mother and let’s get on with this. The mortal world is dying anyway. Time to move on and become something greater.
Hecate
I would throw it in the fire if Hades and Hermes wouldn’t ask questions. I settle for slipping it into a pocket of my dress instead.
‘They do not know this is Demeter’s doing,’ Hades says. ‘I trust you can accelerate the spreading of that news.’
Hermes feigns an innocent look, which simply does not work on his face. His eyes have the permanent gleam of a child whose pockets are full of stolen sweets.
‘Me? I can certainly try.’
I pick up another letter, one whose script is ludicrously flamboyant. Unlike most, it’s addressed to me. The others don’t even have an addressee on them, such is the writer’s assumption it is only Hades in control here.
Persephone,
Get it, girl. I see you’ve finally consummated the marriage. I don’t know how you held out – I would have been all over him in seconds with even a fraction of the tension betweenyou two. In fact, your mutual reluctance was causing me physical pain. Anyway, nice work. When are you visiting me so I can get the details??
Aphrodite xx
PS Can you get Mummy to stop starving the humans? I miss their curves and flesh. All these bony hips and vanishing breasts are really putting a dampener on things.
I flush and again slip the letter into a pocket before the others can see.
‘Aphrodite knows it’s my mother,’ I say. ‘The news should spread pretty quickly.’
‘I imagine that’s not all she said.’ Hermes’ smirk is knowing.
‘No, it wasn’t,’ I confirm.
And oh, Fates, even worse is the slight smirk on Hades’ face too and I hate it and I want to tell him to get lost but I’d also like to pin him against a wall and –
Hermes clears his throat.
‘If I might offer a suggestion, you may wish to consider appealing directly to Zeus. An official condemnation from the court of Hell might hold some sway in this.’
‘Not when he believes I stole his daughter,’ Hades says grimly.
‘Didn’t you?’ Hermes asks.
‘Hermes, is the thought of me running away to avoid an Olympian marriage – potentially toyou– too much rejection for you to handle?’ I counter, balancing the harsh words with a saccharine smile.
