Inhaling deeply, I squeezed my eyes shut and forced the memory to fade. My death was a lifetime away. Another problem for another time. But Noc’s? I peeled my eyes open and glanced upward at him. The dark veins framing his eyes throbbed beneath his pale skin. His cheeks were sallow, breaths ragged. Myanam-carawas holding on, but just barely.
If we didn’t find this beast, it wouldn’t be me lost to the world. It’d be him.
Twenty-One
The Frozen Prince
30 years ago
Rain hammered against the freshly laid soil at my feet. Dark splotches bloomed, and water turned dirt to mud. It was a simple grave, just as Bowen would have wanted. Though it was risky to bury him in Iero Sanctum, the hallowed grounds just outside of Wilheim’s walls on the banks of Luma Lake, it was the right thing to do. Roughly the size of a small town, the cemetery housed the majority of deceased Wilheimians. The silver fencing enclosing the space gleamed in the rain, water droplets tracing the etchings of flowers climbing up the bars. Willow trees manned the corners, their branches heavy with strands that kissed the ground. A few rosebushes clambered against tombstones, but it was too cold for buds to bloom. In the spring, it would be almost beautiful.
If Bowen’s family ever questioned his absence, perhaps they’d think to look here first. At least then they could find solace. My gaze flickered to the granite headstone, etched with nothing more than his name and the measly number of years that made up his life. He’d died too soon. I’d killed him, just like all the others.
My hands curled into fists. My curse had claimed so many. It wasn’t just Amira. It was anyone,everyoneI loved. Other brothers-in-arms during the war with Rhyne. A few other assassins I’d grown close to over the years. Now Bowen. Only my parents had been spared, likely out of obligation the High Priestess felt toward the royal family. It was her duty to protect and guide us. She’d turned her back on me but wouldn’t condemn them to the same fate. They’d died anyway, some years after my death, and were buried in the crypt beneath the castle. Far out of my reach.
Behind me, a man cleared his throat. “We should be going.”
I didn’t bother to turn and face him. Kostya had been tasked with following me here, ensuring my identity remained intact. Not as if the ring had ever failed. Glancing at my hand, I stared at the scaled band and emerald stone that was imbued with magic. So long as it remained on my finger, my shock-white hair would stay inky black. My blue eyes, dark and unreadable. But more than that, its glamour prevented people from even questioning my appearance. If something caught their eye, if they felt my face matched too closely with that of their deceased prince, they’d suddenly find themselves distracted or thinking of something entirely different. Even so, I’d stayed out of the public eye to be safe. Until now.
The rain grew heavier, and I shook my head. “Just a few more minutes.”
Kostya came up beside me and placed a gloved hand on my shoulder. Streams of water coursed down the angles of his face. Shadows bloomed between us, a small offering of comfort. I glanced at them before meeting his somber green gaze. We weren’t exactly close. We’d worked a few jobs together, but he’d always been the one to distance himself, pulling away at every opportunity. He couldn’t have known about the extent of my curse—I’d only just discovered it—but perhaps his detachment had been for the best. It had saved him from me.
With a sigh, I turned back to Bowen’s grave. “You didn’t have to come.”
Kostya’s grip softened. “Talmage insisted someone join you. We’re so close to the capital.” He nodded to the affronting walls a short distance away, luminous with magical brightness despite the gloomy weather. “It’s been some time since your death, but we haven’t tested your disguise with anyone who might have known you before you passed. Better to have someone along to help eliminate the problem, if one should arise.”
Grimacing, I gripped the back of my neck. Talmage was always three steps ahead of everyone else. Killing someone who recognized me would’ve been necessary to keep me safe, but the thought still soured my tongue. I’d grown used to death over the years, even appreciated the clean lines bounties offered: no moral quandaries, no right or wrong. Just execution and payment. Simple.
But this… I toed a loose rock. “I’m cursed.”
Kostya dropped his hand to his side. “I know.” When he and Talmage had first raised me and given me my ring, I’d told them everything. They’d accepted it all and promised that it wouldn’t matter in Cruor. That my past was simply that: my past. It never needed to be acknowledged again. I didn’t need to worry about trying to explain a curse no one would believe. And I’d felt such relief knowing I’d be able to share meals with brethren without hearing whispered judgments. Build bonds with new friends. Family.
I just hadn’t realized the full extent of my curse and what it would cost them.
“I didn’t know…” My voice broke, and I tipped my head to the sky. Rain crashed against my face, and I steadied my shaky breaths with the cool feel of water pouring down my cheeks. Guilt sat heavy in my gut. Exactly how many people had died because of me?
“We’ll find a cure.” Kostya adjusted his glasses, and I caught a glimmer of something far warmer than I was used to seeing in his gaze.
“Why are you helping me?” I raised a careful brow as conflicting emotions warred for control. I didn’t want anyone else to die at my hands—not like this. If he got too close, if I allowed any feelings of warm friendship to grow on my part, I’d be putting him in harm’s way. I took a careful step away, hoping the space would help. The biting cold from the wind and rain cut through the shadows between us.
Kostya didn’t flinch at my sudden movement. If anything, he almost…relaxed. Patting his vest, he studied me over the tops of his glasses. “I’m partially responsible for this.”
“No, you’re not.”
He lifted a shoulder. “I am. I convinced Talmage to raise you. Your curse would’ve died with you, had I let things progress as you originally intended.”
“You’re not to blame. I accepted this new life. The fault is all mine.” I appreciated his sentiment, but there was nothing in the world that could alleviate the guilt for what I’d done, or the burden I would have to carry if I continued living. HowwouldI continue living? Despair rooted through my gut and solidified my feet to the ground. I couldn’t go back to Cruor.
“Noc?” Kostya edged closer.
“I can’t go back.” Turning, I gave him the full weight of my stare and prayed he’d understand. Prayed Talmage would understand. That, no matter how much I appreciated the gift of life they had given me, I couldn’t put anyone else in danger. “No one is safe around me. I…I’ll find a new place to live. Alone.”
Kostya pursed his lips. “That won’t be necessary.”
“I’m serious. You have to let me go. Please, tell Talmage I’m sorry.”
“Noc—”
