“Is everything okay?” I hedge. I immediately want to kick myself for asking such a dumb question. Obviously things aren’t okay. If they were, she wouldn’t be out here crying behind a bush.
“It’s fine. I’m being a baby.” She sniffles. “It’s just… everything is about to change. And not in a good way. I mean, maybe in a good way? Ugh, I don’t know.” With a groan, she drops her head back onto her knees.
I head over to the strip of mulch where she’s sitting and plop down beside her. It’s cooler in the shade. I should be relieved, but I barely notice. If anything, my body feels hotter than before. I’ve hung out with Marissa plenty this summer, but it’s never been just the two of us. And I’ve never been this close to her, close enough to smell the strawberry scent of her shampoo. She’s wearing a tank top, and her shoulders are pink from the sun. I have a sudden grown-up urge to cover them, so they don’t burn further.
But I don’t cover them. I don’t even move. I just sit there, completelyfrozen. I’ve spent the whole summer wishing I had a chance to be alone with her, and now that I’ve got the opportunity, I can’t think of one thing to say. Luckily for the both of us, she lifts her head and throws me a bone.
“I got a job,” she says, her voice watery.
I perk up. She hasn’t mentioned her acting career recently, but I know she was bummed that she hadn’t booked anything since her last McDonald’s commercial.
“Oh yeah? What kind of job?”
She blows out a slow breath, composing herself. “A show calledLittle LLC. It’s about a group of kids in a rock band. At the end of every episode, we perform a song.”
“A TV show? That’s so cool! It’s what you’ve been waiting for, right?”
She shrugs. “I guess. I don’t even know why they cast me. I’m not the best at singing. And I’m worried the show will be kind of dorky. I’m regretting saying yes.”
“What? No way. You have to do it. What if you become a real band, like that show on MTV?” I half-heartedly sing a few bars of their hit song. “I know my calculus. It says u plus me equals us.”
She chokes out a laugh. “You’re just being nice.”
“Nope. I’m invested now. I’m going to watch every episode. I’ll find out where they sell T-shirts and wear one around town.”
Her face splits into a grin and it feels like an electric zap to the heart. When I smile back at her, our gazes catch, then hold for a beat too long. Then another. Unnerved by the strange weight of it, I tear my eyes away and redirect my attention to the mulch, raking one hand through it.
“You still wanna be an actress, though, right?”
She bites down on her bottom lip and nods.
“So, why are you crying?”
She releases her knees, leaning back on her palms and stretching her legs out in front of her. There’s a brown dusting of mulch coating both of her calves. It does nothing to detract from her appeal. “When you say it like that, I sound like a jerk.”
I straighten up quickly, eager to redirect before she gets the wrong impression. “No, I don’t think you’re a jerk at all. I’m just… wondering if I’m missing something.”
Marissa doesn’t answer right away. Instead, she tilts her head back and squints up at the sky.
“I love coming here,” she says after a moment. “Nothing bad ever happens at the lake house. My brother doesn’t annoy me, because he’s at sleepaway camp, and everyone else is happy all the time.” She turns to get a glimpse of her parents through the leaves. “Well, at least they used to be.”
Returning her attention to me, she adds, “And I get to be with my grandma, who is the best.” That much I can agree with. Everyone in Lake Tranquility adores Mrs. Steiner.
“Summer is great,” I agree. “But you’ll be back next year. I’ll tell everyone to buy autograph books before you come.”
“That’s just it. I don’t think I’m going to be back here next summer.”
She pauses for a bit before continuing. “The show films in LA. My mom and I are moving there together. We’re going to be renting an apartment. And my dad and brother are staying in Pennsylvania.”
My stomach churns as her words sink in. She’s got a job. Like arealjob. Not being a lifeguard or bussing tables. She’s going to be a big-time actress. But what does it mean that her dad and brother are staying in Pennsylvania while she and her mom move to LA? She didn’t say they’re divorcing, but that’s what happens when my friends’ parents move into separate houses.
I feel in over my head just hearing about it, and as I look at her now, I wonder if that’s how she’s feeling too. You know the feeling when you’re little and you skin your knee, but you try to act tough?You hold it together right up until you see your mom and then you burst into tears? She looks like that. Only, when I see her looking back at her parents, I can tell she won’t let it out. She’s stuck in that place between pain and relief, not knowing where to look for the comfort. I wish I knew how to give her that.
It’s only then, as my eyes drift back to her sunburned shoulders, that I fully absorb the other thing she said.
Marissa isn’t coming back next summer. This is probably the last time I’ll see her.
Her eyes fill with tears again, but her voice is steady. “I think that’s why they’re fighting more lately. My mom had to quit her job to go with me, so they’re worried about money. And I feel bad because I’m splitting up my family. Don’t you think that makes me selfish? Families should be together. What if my parents get divorced and it’s my fault?”
