My palms itched. My stomach was twisted with anxious energy. I hated being in this position. Why I’d ever thought coming back to this place was a good idea, I would never know.
“Please. Sit.”
There was nothing left in me to care about this place or any other place. Screw this town. Screw the SOOK. I could move on.
But could I? I had burned every bridge I’d ever built. Coming to the SOOK was supposed to be the easiest thing I ever did for my career. I couldn’t even make it work. I really was a loser. Had it ever really been about the SOOK, or had it been about Kim?
“It’s an interesting thing that happened,” Dick said. “You were on thin ice, but in the interest of full disclosure, the drama between you and Miss Day has been great for our sales.”
“Tickets sales are up. Google searches. Instagram, hashtags. I don’t really get it, but our PR intern tells us these are all good things,” Andy finished.
“Great.” I was so thrilled that the pain that crippled my chest was entertainment.
“Gossip sells tickets. Now, I obviously don’t want to run a business on sensationalism, but right now, leaving wouldn’t be the wisest thing to do,” Dick said.
“And we don’t want it to look like we are condoning this sort of behavior. There would have to be a probational period. A slap on the hand. A few weeks off to cool down a little, after the Fourth of July show, of course. But we still have the September showcase.” Andy pointed to a calendar hanging on the wall.
“I’m not fired?” I asked not believing.
“You are absolutely fired. Unless …”
Dick said, “We still need tickets sold. Something else interesting has been brought to our attention.”
“Turns out you’re a bit of a celebrity. Not sure why you would hide such a past from us. That’s fantastic!” Andy said.
“Perhaps we can come to an arrangement for the September showcase. In addition to yourSmokey Mountain Suite, we’ll advertise your famous background. You could play your most famous song,Don’t Look Back,” Dick said.
“A rock concert and a concerto in one.” The other smiled broadly at his own idea.
“I will conduct for the Fourth of July concert. I won’t leave the community hanging like that, but you’re out of your minds if you think I’ll …” I reached for the door. The last thing I would ever do was bring that life into this one. Not a chance in hell I’d play that garbage song. It was bad enough I was even back here.
“Of course we’ll continue the Fourth of July as planned,” Andy simpered.
“The choice is yours for September,” Dick said.
“Take a couple weeks to think about it. It’s summer break anyway. You have the choice. You can come back or you can ruin your career.”
“Great options,” I mumbled. “You know what? Consider my fist to Chagny’s face my official resignation.”
Chapter 36
It’s okay to put yourself first.
KIM
September
It had been seven weeks since I’d talked to Devlin. Seven weeks since I’d left home. Seven weeks since I’d remembered what it felt like to be Kim Dae. I wasn’t even sure I knew who Christine Day was, either.
The reflection that stared back at me in the mirror was a caricature of a person. A caricature that got a lot of likes, and re-posts, and compliments. Empty clicks from faceless people.
After the Fourth of July concert, which had gone as rehearsed, sans one cellist, Devlin had gone MIA and his concerto had been put on hold indefinitely. There was no bonus cello solo performance. I wasn’t going back to the SOOK if there was no show. I’d committed to help with the showcase, but with Devlin gone, my commitment was voided.
Devlin had made it clear what I was to him. I all but asked him to love me and he had told me he’d replace me with another cellist. I couldn’t let myself think about it or sickness would eat away at me. The numbness of tour was the way to go. Never had I itched more for those days of Jethro, for the drugged-out haze of life.
Roddy had already booked several stops throughout the Southeast playing local theaters that seated around three hundred. Tonight was the last show of the summer tour, and I was grateful. I was numb and empty. When asked if that was what I wanted, I simply nodded. I had no opinion. I didn’t care. I just didn’t want to hurt anybody else.
Roddy assured me that he was working on more bookings for the fall and soon we would be filling stadiums. Stadiums of people wanting to see Christine Day. What a life. The crowds were pretty decent even now. He’d done a good job of taking care of my social media presence. When I flipped through the pictures on Instagram, I didn’t recognize myself. There weren’t any traces of Kim Dae. It was Christine Day. Long flowing hair, fancy electric cello, false lashes, and heavy makeup. She was beautiful, but she was a different person.
