“You—” I start but she cuts me off.
“What are those dates?” she asks, her voice edged with tension.
I sigh and toss a hand in the direction of the whiteboard. “Test failures.”
“Those are the times when the tests are failing?”
“Yeah. We can’t—”
“Oh my God.” Her hand covers her mouth and she stumbles back. Her gaze moves over the board, examining every inch and starting over again.
“What’s wrong?” I ask and step forward, reaching for her.
She retreats with a head shake. Are the events of the evening finally settling in? The almost-kiss? The hug? Is she regretting everything that’s happened?
“Julia?” I ask with more than a hint of desperation in my voice. “I’m so sorry.”
“Stop.” She holds up a hand, backing up until she bumps into the door. Her mouth is in a flat line, shoulders tensed. She’s afraid of me. My insides crumple with shame.
“Please, let me—”
Her gaze moves to mine. Her eyes are wide and shining. “I have to go. I need to check something.”
She slips out of my office and I am helpless.
* * *
Julia
I stumble out of his office and toward my own, using the wall for balance. How could I not see all the signs that were right in front of me?
I try not to put the cart before the horse but I know what I will see. I grab the notebook from my desk. I scan the dates of when I’ve lost control at work or even those times when I’ve felt close to the edge. It’s all there, verifying what I already know in my gut. I bet just now, during our moment in the car, the tests would show a huge spike … of something.
Nathaniel’s tests are failing because ofme.
My outbursts … they all line up. The writing was literally on the wall. Every single time I lost control, the tests failed. I’m such an idiot.
I have to leave. I can’t believe I let myself stay and put Nathaniel and the team at so much risk. They are behind because of me, when all I wanted to do was help them. I’m devastated.
I grab Ferngully and a few important things I can carry. I don’t want to regret not taking them later, but in this moment, getting away is the most important thing. The sooner I get out of here, the better. Who knows what else my mere existence has ruined.
I take a moment to steady myself on the desk.
“Julia,” Nathaniel says softly behind me.
I spin on my heels to him. I hold up a hand. “Don’t come any closer.”
He flinches. Oh my God, I just hugged him. I knew I shouldn’t have done it. I should have just given him space but he seemed so sad. I don’t regret the hug, but I should have known I couldn’t contain myself for long. The heat grew so fast that Nathaniel had felt it only after a few seconds. Much faster than with anybody else before. I pressed my entire body against his because it felt so good and right, but what if I hurt him? Looking at his face twisted with pain now, I think I already did.
“Please. Please let me explain. I’m so sorry,” he pleads.
“Nathaniel, please just let me go. I can email my resignation tonight. Just let me leave.”
He’s standing in front of the doorway, not quite blocking it, purposefully stepping back so I don’t feel trapped. What he really needs to do is put a lead wall between us. He needs protection from me. “You can’t leave like this,” he says. “I’m so sorry. I crossed so many lines. This attraction I feel—”
“It has nothing to do with you—wait, what attraction?”
“Is it because of the hug? Because I almost kissed you in the Jeep?”
