“It is,” I said. He smiled so big I had to look away. “I just can’t drink too much.”
“Why?” he asked hesitantly.
“Remember me at the wine fest? Brooks told me I was hammered. I think I may have embarrassed myself.” I scrunched up my face in a wince.
“You were adorable.”
I swallowed down the compliment and stored it with all the others he gave me, hiding them like little treasures on a secret shelf. “I used to be fun.”
“I think you’re fun now,” he said easily as his drink arrived. “Thanks.” He held it up to mine. “Cheers.”
“Cheers. Oh yeah, I’m fun? Was it the mean game of Go Fish or the way I organize my work in excel?”
“Spreadsheets are sexy.”
“You’re a ridiculous human.” I smiled as I turned so my legs were more firmly pressed between his.
“That’s what they tell me.”
We sat in silence as they set up the karaoke.
“You keep alluding to this wild side. Does that mean you’re going to sing?” he asked.
“Not even a little.”
“Lame.”
“I am now.”
“But not before?”
I sighed. “I guess it’s all relative. If my younger self saw me now, I don’t think she’d recognize me. I was a wild child for a while. Or maybe I was just young.” Maybe this crisis of identity swept every woman rounding thirty, and this wasn’t even about the sudden changes in my life over the past few years. I couldn’t be sure, but I felt removed from myself, like I was acting out “adult character number one.”
He turned so our knees bumped again. I finished my drink. He ordered me another.
“I’ve always been a free spirit. A rolling stone. I thought that settling down was a form of giving up,” I shared.
“Is that what you think now?”
I sighed. “I still feel like that person but also completely removed from her. It’s like I’m in this holding pattern, waiting to get back to the person I used to be, but I get further from her every day.”
He nodded. He didn’t seem sad, but a pensiveness behind those emoting eyes made me think I wasn’t explaining myself well.
“All of this happened so fast,” I went on. “I hit a rough patch. I came to George, and he offered me a job on the spot.”
“That’s George.”
“It is.” I softened, thinking of how George hadn’t even hesitated. “I had no résumé to speak of, but he found a place for me.”
Harrison moved closer as a group waiting for drinks crowded us. “He can sense good people.”
“I don’t know about all that. I think he just has a huge and generous heart. He always assumes the best of people.” I took a sip of my new drink. “Maybe even when he shouldn’t. But I’m determined to prove myself. I never thought it would all lead here. And then.” I took a large pull of my next drink, letting the heat loosen my tongue. “One day, not long after, Joey showed up with the most incredible little kid I ever met. Then she left.” The terror I felt that first night washed over me. A crippling fear that made it impossible to sleep. I checked on her a hundred times that first night, convinced that something terrible would happen the moment I took my eyes off her.
“Joey said she’d be back in a couple of days,” I explained. “Collette was four. I had never even babysat. I was not what you’d call a kid person. Then all of a sudden, I had this whole tiny human to take care of. I had no idea what to do.” My throat tightened, and I took a break to have a sip and find a breath. Harrison waited patiently, thoughtfully. “But, as you can imagine, Collette has always been very sure of what needs to be done and helped guide me. It always made me feel like I was fumbling and she was the adult.” I couldn’t even think about those days without feeling anxiety, a sort of traumatic callback to those first nights. When I looked at pictures of myself, I couldn’t even remember what it felt like to be that person. “I would lay in bed just terrified I would accidentally hurt her.”
“But you both made it and are doing great.” He scooted closer as the bar grew louder, the music starting. “And Joey?”
“Days turned into weeks. She would at least check in back then. George wasn’t struggling as much with things at that time and was incredibly helpful. Just like with me, he stepped up and helped with everything without even a word of complaint or hesitation. It seemed whatever phase she was in, he quickly adapted. A natural father.”
