It was so easy to say that, but as the murmurs around me grew louder, I felt myself weaken. I wanted to leave. It was too much. But I told him I wouldn’t run away. He asked me to stay. I had to stick this out.
Even though it super sucked.
It was hard to know if this was paranoia of the low self-esteem variety or if something was really going on.
Levi frowned when he met Claire’s gaze.
I’d had enough of being on tonight. It wasn’t just this. I was suddenly so tired I could hardly stand. My bed and its warm cocoon of blankets called to me. I would sleep for a week.
“Whatever is going through your head right now, I promise you, Pace does not love her,” Levi said. There was something about what he wasn’t saying that he implored with his eyes.
Every emotion must have been written on my face. Claire excused herself with a mumble before walking away.
“Levi, you don’t have—” I started.
“I know what this looks like. The love of his life has returned, but trust me when I say that Pace has not mentioned her in years.”
“I’m fine.”
“You’re looking to the exit like it can save you.”
“That obvious?” I huffed a sad laugh.
“Trust me, I know that feeling all too well. But Pace talks aboutyou. He wants to be withyou.”
Levi was the most worked up I’ve ever seen him.
But I needed to hear this from Pace. I needed him to open himself up to me.
And how long would I need to wait?
“Levi.” I smiled. “I’m not going to do anything. I just—I can feel that there are still parts of himself he isn’t ready to share. And that’s okay. I’m just tired. When Pace is ready, he’ll tell me.”
Levi’s face twisted in sad understanding. He didn’t argue with that. If I had to guess, I bet Levi felt Pace closing himself off too.
I let myself trust that what Levi said was true. That I wasn’t being paranoid. But even as I tried to force myself to calm down, the whispers grew louder all around us.
Studying the crowd, my growing worries made my stomach curl with dread.
People stared, wide-eyed, at their phones. A couple a few feet away said something I couldn’t make out to each other before they glanced up, searched the room, and found me. There was no way I was imagining their quick glances away when I caught them staring. Claire rushed over, worry in her features.
I wanted to leave.
Now.
Levi’s focus moved across the room, seemingly picking up on the same energy. “What’s?—”
I pulled out my phone with clammy hands as a sense of dread made my limbs feel like they were filled with cement. I fumbled the password and couldn’t press the buttons right, like in a stress dream. There was an alert that I had been tagged on the city’s social media page. The ringing in my ears grew louder, blaring over all the sounds of whispering around me.
My stomach clenched in a punch of shock at what I saw.
It was my list. Online.
Is this the one you were looking for?Grandma El must have been trying to message me, but she’d tagged me and posted the list on the city’s main page, where everybody could see.
A choked sob of shock escaped me. Claire and Levi huddled in to shield me, but it made me feel more claustrophobic and horrified. I couldn’t stand there another second. I couldn’t handle the looks and whispers.
The list was out there. The whole town could judge me for my ineptitude.
