“And that’s apositivetrait? You couldn’t just tell me I wasniceor something?”
She stops the machine and lifts the metal foot before clipping the threads. Without softening the blow, she says, “But you’re not nice.”
That’s…true. “I’m at least kind, aren’t I?”
“Sometimes.”
I roll onto my side, giving my horrible sister my back.
“You’re kinda harsh,” she elaborates. “But I like you. You’re one of my favorite people.”
“Well, fab,” I mutter, tracing a circle into the puffy black comforter.
“What’s this about?” she presses.
My hand closes into a fist. “I don’t know. Am I pretty?”
Silence. “Um.” Silence. “Mora.”
I twist toward her, scowling. “What? I’m not?”
“We’re identical twins.”
I lift a finger. “Withsubtle variations in gene expression. Behold.” I comb my fingers into my jet black hair, stretching the long strands. “Melanin.”
“If we’re going to consider our differences, I’ve always thought you were prettier.”
My whole entire stomach recoils because I know Maelin’s felt like an outcast her entire life. I know I spent our school years standing between her and bullies. Idon’twant to hear that I’mprettier. Not from my beloved big sister who has had to grow upin a world where she’s been called a freak. I say, “I think you’re prettier. By a landslide.”
“Does it matter who’s prettier?” she asks. “What’s going on?”
“I don’t know,” I repeat. “Probably hormones.” All confusing feelings belong to hormones.
Not that I’m having any confusing feelings.
Undo me.
I fear I’m the one who’s becoming undone.
“You wanna talk about it?” my sweet sister asks as she folds up the giant frilly apron.
“Not really. It’s just…how did you come to trust Zakery so quickly after everything that happened with Harry?
Maelin’s nose wrinkles. “Is Talira bothering you again? She needs to let you go. The relationship died; she killed it. End of story. Unless you derive any entertainment from stalking her on Leopard,block her. Trust me. It’s better for everyone when you cut people like her out completely.”
“Talira hasn’t bothered me for a few weeks now. She sent me something at Christmas.” A stupid gif. With stupid opossums. Because we used to love opossums.
I haven’t cared much aboutAmerica’s greatest marsupialfor five and a half years. But… Maelin doesn’t know that, so she still mentions opossums to me sometimes. All she knows is that I used to talk about our country’s only marsupial a lot more than I do now.
Because I don’t care about marsupials. It was one of those things that didn’t matter until it became athingwith someone else. Opossums becameourthing while I was still friends with Talira. And then it became nothing again—little more than an inside joke that fizzled out while she was still dating the guy she picked over me.
I wish she’d stop bringing up old jokes we used to have and expecting me to still laugh at them. And I wish I could tell mysister the truth without feeling weak. It’s all just a reminder of how crowded the grave is. It’s not just our relationship at face value down there with the maggots; it’s the entire person I was when there wasus.
“It’s probably about time for her to bug you again,” Maelin mutters. “Block her before she can.”
Excellent advice. It’s the kind I’d definitely give if our roles were reversed. I just can’t bring myself to do it, and I don’t know why.
Maybe it’s the moral superiority—blocking her without notice iscruel, and I don’t want to give her any reason to think I’m behaving like she did.
